Kenshin's Brush with Art
by Ridicully L
Summary: Kenshin is summoned by Hiko to Kyoto to do a painless little task that turned pretty ugly. Dedicated to Beriath. Features: Saitou! Tokio! Swordfights in the moonlight! Damsels in distress, and Art! COMPLETED
1. Summons from Kyoto

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki and some company that doesn't belong to me. 

This fic is dedicated to my friend Beriath who introduced me to the RK series and also other series that have made my life so much more fun. Thanks so much for the naming ideas, and the much-needed proofreading, as well! 

Kenshin's (Much Regretted) Brush with Art 

Ch. 1: Summons from Kyoto

Kenshin was engaged in his favorite pastime: laundry. He was also at the part he enjoyed most, which was wringing water out of clothes while pretending they're Saitou's neck. Unfortunately, the showdown was disrupted at that moment by the arrival of a letter bearing Kyoto's stamp. 

His heart skipped a beat when he saw the handwriting on the envelope--- it belonged to his master, Hiko Seijuro 13th, who had never replied to any of his letters so far. It might be that he had nothing interesting to report from his mountain abode anyway, but Kenshin sometimes suspected that he was just too lazy to walk to the post office. 

If the message inside was any indication, Hiko's uncanny ability to read Kenshin's mind seemed to work just as well long-distance. It went:

DROP YOUR LAUNDRY AND COME FIND ME AT ONCE. 

"What's wrong, Kenshin?" Said Kaoru worriedly. She knew that except for running out of soap, nothing could shift Kenshin from his laundry once his fingers had closed over the handle of the washboard. 

"It's Shishou." Said Kenshin, puzzled. "He wants sessha to go to him."

"Do you have any idea why?"

"No. It's not as if he needs sessha to * protect * him." Said Kenshin thoughtfully. "Perhaps sessha should go and find out, that he should..."

Kaoru's eyes narrowed slightly. People seldom summoned Kenshin for anything other than fighting, and it was unlikely that Hiko needed a hand in laundry. "Suppose," she said with growing fear. "he's having a duel with some insanely tough loony bird and wants you to help him out?" 

"Oro!" Quavered Kenshin, who had just thought of that. Despite being Kenshin's childhood nightmare, Hiko had, for want of a better word, raised Kenshin, and the thought of him being in life-threatening danger was most alarming. 

"Kenshin! Wait for me I'm going too!" Shouted Kaoru as the redhead darted out of the door. She took a second to acquire her bokken, and rushed off after him. But it was too late. When she reached the train station, the last train to Kyoto was disappearing into the distance.

"Kenshin no baka!" Yelled Kaoru, fingering her bokken furiously. Though denied of the opportunity to bring it down on a certain redhead with a satisfying smack, Kaoru was in essence a practical person. "As soon as I've found him," she consoled herself as she bought a ticket for the next day's train. "He can have that plus the interest!" 

***

Visions of bloodied steel running through his mind, Kenshin raced up the mountain trail expecting to find his master dead, dismembered, or both. What he found was that his master had established himself on the log before the kiln, as usual. 

"Shishou?" Said Kenshin with uncertainty. 

"What's wrong with you, seen a ghost?" Snapped Hiko, instantly dispelling any suspicion of him being a wraith or phantasm. He turned around to face Kenshin. "At least that is quick of you--- I should have saved the yen I spent on sending the letter by express. Anyway come into the hut. I suppose you'd want to know why I sent for you."

"We're going to grapple with an enemy together, aren't we?" Hazarded Kenshin. 

"I see your powers of deduction have gone up a tiny bit." Appraised Hiko. 

"And who is this unfortunate fellow?" 

"His name," said Hiko, sitting down with his arms crossed. "is Harada Reizo, a blot on the landscape who is only too fortunate to have escaped divine retribution thus far."

The name rang a faint bell to Kenshin, but for the life of him he could not recall where he had heard it. Someone in the Shinsengumi clan? Paradoxically, he had heard it just recently, but where?… 

"Wait a moment!" He exclaimed. Something clicked as soon as he had sketched the characters inside his head. "I knows who he is! His name is on all the bowls and plates in our dojo!"

Hiko inched a little farther from Kenshin, as if he had just gotten wind that Kenshin was in league with the devil. "Indeed?" He shot his successor a withering glance. "I've always known that that Kamiya girl has bad taste, but I thought she would at least spare the chinaware."

"So that man is just a potter?" Said Kenshin, somewhat disappointed. 

"Not just a potter," growled Hiko. He now leapt off the chair and started talking with great animation. "he's a fiend in human shape, an excrescence on the face of humanity and a worm of the lowest order, so steeped in sin that he is capable of such treacherous deeds and underhand skullduggery that would shock any honest and law-abiding citizen."

Kenshin stared. He knew that Hiko had taken up pottery to avoid meeting people, but now it occurred to him that people like his master naturally made enemies in any field (Kenshin assumed that his master had had enemies as a swordsman, but with Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, it was no surprise that he didn't have them for long). "But surely Shishou, he can't be worse than Shishio Makoto?" He ventured.

"Of course he is." Said his master vehemently. "Shishio was at least decent enough to play with a straight bat. Now, this black-hearted villain had turned up at the last ceramic artisan's gathering with the intention of buying the recently unearthed final masterpiece of Kageaki Yoshi, an object he knew I had plans to procure as well. Instead of outbidding me fair and square in the auction, he bribed some young street urchin to distract me while the auctioneer counted to three, rendering me unable to place my bid at the crucial moment. Do you follow what I'm saying?"

Kenshin's face was contorted with the effort of understanding. All this sounded terribly un-political to him. "So---" He said after a while. "This final masterpiece of Kageaki Yoshi--- is it a piece of pottery?"

"It is. And one of the worst I've ever seen, as well."

"Then why should you care if Harada gets it?" Said Kenshin, nonplussed. 

Hiko gave an annoyed scowl that resembled that of a collector's who has been asked why he bothers to go after a Picasso. "It is, after all, the final masterpiece of Kageaki. Can you imagine what Harada will do with it? He'll brag about it all day long, making life living hell for everyone else. And you, baka deshi, will duly deliver the Heavenly Justice of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu upon him by removing said object from him to bring his gray hairs in sorrow to the grave."

"Wait a minute, Shishou, you want me to pinch that piece of pottery from him?" Said Kenshin, his eyes enlarging to the size of dinner plates. " And what does it have to do with Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu? Isn't the principle about swinging the sword for the weak?" He rallied, resorting to Hiko's favorite saying.

"What you are about to do will be essentially for the public good. Have you any idea what Harada is like when he is showing off his collection? Sheer agony. It certainly adds a new terror to the potting circle." Said Hiko. He frowned. "Now that you mention the principle of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, I am reminded that you haven't exactly spent much time following them, anyway."

Kenshin gulped. Why was it that Hiko always had his way in manipulating him? "But still, it's against the law!" He tried. 

"So is carrying a sword." Smirked his predecessor. "And it's not as if Harada got it through clean means, anyway. Even though you're hopelessly out of shape, taking stuff is, I am sure, a cakewalk compared to assassination."

"Then why don't YOU do it yourself?" Said Kenshin sulkily. There's no getting out of this now, but still, it's worth a try. 

"Me? Leave this mountain just for the sake of that insect?" Said the swordmaster incredulously. "To have to wade into Kyoto City, pop. 40,000, where the streets are packed with people who smell like a wagonload of pigs and make enough noise for ten wagonloads, and the only places that sell halfway decent sake are those garish geisha houses? Frankly, not my cup of tea." He snorted. "But since you are here anyway, and undoubtedly will frequent the aforementioned places for the sake of tourism, you might as well make a slight detour to Harada's place for me on the way."

"Shishou! I don't visit geisha houses!" Protested Kenshin, reddening considerably. 

A reminiscent look entered Hiko's ebony eyes. "--- Besides, it's a little something you can do to make up for the time you made me walk eight miles in the middle of the night in order to buy new BED SHEETS from the nearest town just because you've---" 

"Ah! No more!" Yelled Kenshin in terror. "I'll do it tonight!" 

*** To be continued  
Next Chapter: A Close Shave with the Law


	2. A Close Shave with the Law

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki and some company that doesn't belong to me. 

Dedicated to Beriath. Thanks for proofreading again!

Warning: Some of the characters here might deviate somewhat from the real ones in historical context. I do try to adhere to history as much as possible, but only when it doesn't get in the way of the plot. Besides, that's what fics are about, right?

Kenshin's Brush with Art

Ch. 2: A Close Shave with the Law (newly replaced due to typos in old chapter)

At times like this one almost misses the Bakumatsu, thought Kenshin as he flitted through the deserted streets of Kyoto. Back in the old days, at 3 a.m. the city was just waking up and getting down to business. One could scarcely land on a rooftop without treading on an Oniwabanshu's feet or walk into an alley and not jostle a Shinsengumi. At those times a solitary shadow was unlikely to attract comment, whereas now Kenshin could sense a million fingers pointing with a "Hey, you!" at him.

His clothes probably had something to do with it. 

Having arrived at the Harada mansion without much ado (Hiko believed in addresses), he once again studied the sketch of the pottery provided by his master. Kenshin had never felt anything for art, but Kageaki's final masterpiece simply moved the depths of his soul. It was one deuce of a shock: its corners jutted, the surface resembled lunar landscape; a hole went straight through one side and an overly enthusiastic thumbprint marked the other. Kenshin had heard of "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder", and decided that even so, it's not much of an excuse for Harada. 

Looking on the bright side, a thing like this should be pretty easy to spot. Finding an open window, Kenshin launched himself onto the ledge, gingerly lowered himself into what appeared to be a study room, and found himself in a dilemma. 

Should he switch on the light? It had never been necessary in assassinations, where people seemed just too eager to throw themselves onto his sword. Now, the darkness of the study held infinite possibilities, most of which involved him tripping over things. 

Fortunately, Kenshin found himself on familiar terrain once more as the door of a nearby closet exploded outwards with astounding force. A timely side-leap to the right (onto a small ornamental chair) was all that saved him from being on the receiving end of a… Gatotsu?

"Saitou?" Blurted Kenshin in amazement as the dark figure skidded to a halt at where Kenshin had been standing a second ago. Kenshin was accustomed to meeting enemies at the most unlikely places, but Fate was certainly overdoing it by turning up one from the inside of a closet, and in pajamas. 

"Battousai?" Said the other half of the conversation. Glowing eyes narrowed. "Hmm. I wasn't expecting you, but still, it all makes sense."

"What are YOU doing here?"

"I happen to be staying here." Said Saitou with a somewhat offended air.

"Oh." Said Kenshin, his face instantly turning a deep crimson. If Dr. Watson had run into Sherlock Holmes while doing a heist, he would have felt exactly the same.

"And I suppose," Saitou smirked. "You've come under the orders of your master Mr. Hiko Seijuro, alias Kakunoshin Niitsu, to illegally obtain the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki Yoshi."

There was a satisfying smash as his opponent fell off the chair. "How did you know?" Said a trembling voice after a long pause. 

Saitou rolled his eyes. Even the least self-respecting criminal can put up a better fight than this, he thought. "For your own sake Battousai, if you don't know how to lie just keep quiet until the lawyer arrives. You're a disgrace to the dregs of the underworld." 

"But how… why…?" Continued Kenshin wretchedly, as if in a trance.

In all detective tales there's always a part where the Investigator Reveals All and a part where the Villain Breaks Down and Confesses. Since Kenshin had done the latter like a shot, Saitou felt obliged to do his own part as well. 

"Hmm." He lit a cigarette leisurely. "It wasn't that hard to figure out, really. After the Shishio incident, my intelligence reports informed me that Hiko Seijuro, who had intervened in the Aoiya crisis, was none other than the artisan known as Kakunoshin Niitsu. That immediately got my attention."

"So?" Said Kenshin, still looking clueless. He had never been interested in what his Shishou called himself during his spare time.

"I have heard much about Kakunoshin Niitsu…" Continued Saitou.

"Indeed?" Said Kenshin dubiously. Saitou didn't look like the kind of person who had a soul for art. Or a soul, to begin with. 

"… from my father-in-law, Harada Reizo." 

"Harada Reizo… your father-in-law…" Said Kenshin with a glazed look, as if Fate had just hammered it in with a lead pipe.

"Don't look at me like that," Said Saitou irritably. "It's one of the things one can't refuse when one gets hitched. He's one of those artist types, head in the clouds and so on. As far as I know, he's not entirely sure what my name is. If it wasn't for Tokio's insistence, I would sooner share a room with Usui than spend a week in this beastly place, as long as conversation topics don't include pottery. "

"So… he talks about Shishou a lot?" Said Kenshin tentatively. 

A haunted look flitted across Saitou's face. "More than I can bear," He said. "In short, he thinks of Mr. Kakunoshin as the curse of modern art and an absolute tick. Lately he has been obsessed with this Final Insanity of Kageaki, some hideous relic that should have remained underground where it obviously belongs. I decided to get personally involved when he told me how he cunningly wrestled the vessel from Mr. Kakunoshin in an auction."

"Oh, sessha has heard about that," Said Kenshin, feeling himself on firmer ground here. "With the help of some street urchin and all that." 

"What street urchin?" Said Saitou, giving Kenshin a look as if he thought the latter was talking in his sleep. He switched to the pragmatic tone of crime scene reconstruction: "Details are as follows: on the day of question, Mr. Harada and Mr. Kakunoshin were hoping to acquire the aforementioned item at an auction held during a ceramic artisan's gathering. Having taken my son Tsutomu along, Mr. Harada promised him a reward if he could--- with the aid of a magnifying glass--- set Mr. Kakunoshin's mantle on fire, an action which went unnoticed by its owner due to the intense bidding."

Kenshin was stunned. He could see why Harada deserved the Heavenly Justice of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu's now. He might as well have poked Death in the eye and spat in it.

"It was up until the smoke had gotten somewhat denser when Mr. Kakunoshin noted the blaze and rushed to quench his clothes in the nearest river, but not before fetching my son a sharp smack on the head." There was a snarl in Saitou's voice now, which resembled that of a wolf's whose cub has been batted around by a mountain lion. "You see why I am in this now Battousai? No Wolf of Mibu ought to live down this sort of outrage to his family. As soon as I had heard of this from my father-in-law and Tsutomu, I knew your master would be up to something to remove that piece of accursed art, and planned my revenge accordingly. You aren't part of the plan, I confess, but since you're here anyway I might as well let you have it. After all, you two are both of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu stock."

"You mean you're going to fight sessha?" Said Kenshin, eyes narrowing and crouching into Battou-jitsu mode. He had long expected that it would come to this, anyway. There was still the score back in Bakumatsu left unaccounted for. 

"Fight you?" Said Saitou, looking amused. "No, I'm simply going to arrest you."

"Arrest sessha?" Echoed Kenshin. That was a new one to him. He wasn't even sure what defensive position he should adopt. "How bad can that be?"

"Five months prison or a 9,000 yen fine." Said Saitou automatically.

"That's it? Sessha has spent five months in worse spots." Said Kenshin with a somewhat scornful tone. 

"Think about it, Battousai," A sadistic gleam entered the policeman's eyes. "a fine sight it'll make on tomorrow's news headlines: 'Former Legendary Hitokiri Jugged for Burglary'" 

There was a pause as this sank in.

"But sessha can escape," Tried Kenshin. "Right?" He added, for reassurance.

"Then we'll add to that the extra charge of 'Resisting Arrest'." 

"You won't be able to catch sessha."

"Ha! You lawbreakers all say the same thing." Said Saitou with a mirthless laugh. "Yet no one evades the Metrop Police for long. We'll have Wanted Signs posted in every single town all over Japan." 

"Oro!" Quavered the ex-assassin. The look on his face alone was worth millions. 

"And in every newspaper, as well. Even the Kamiya girl will recoil from you in horror."

"Oro." Kenshin sagged. He could understand how Shishio Makoto must have felt now. One had sweated and toiled for this country and what did it give you? Five months in durance vile. The world really wasn't fair. 

If an anti-Meiji party had been on the spot, Kenshin would have gladly joined it. "But sessha hasn't even stolen anything!" He cried. 

Saitou exhaled cigarette smoke leisurely. "Still, housebreaking is a serious offence."

"What about setting fire to people?" retorted Kenshin.

"Fortunately, Tsutomu is only eight, and therefore not accountable for his actions." Said the Wolf of Mibu smoothly.

And THAT'S the next generation I have been fighting my ass off for? Fumed Kenshin to himself. He tried to think of a counterattack. Nothing in his training was good against the machinery of the Law. BUT, he could appeal to Saitou's more humane feelings with Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu's Psychological Attack, which had worked against beings less humanoid than Saitou in the past. Here it goes: 

"Listen, Saitou," He said. "Shishou just thwacked Tsutomu on the head, right? Sessha had it much worse when sessha was eight. Trust me, sessha has tried them all, thanks to shishou's 'excellent control'." 

"I'm not interested in your childhood." Said Saitou, looking bored. "Although judging from the end product, it must have been pretty screwed up."

"So you ought to be proud that your son had done everything and still got out of it with all his limbs intact." Said Kenshin, a yearning look in his eyes. "Sessha wishes sessha could do the same, that he does." He said the last sentence with real feeling. 

He watched the cop anxiously. Saitou might be made of marble, but even the most hardened chap is apt to soften when someone is offering a spot of praise to his progeny, especially if said person is the legendary Hitokiri. 

The Psychological Attack seemed to have hit home. 

"Very eloquent, Battousai." Allowed Saitou. "I am inclined to view the incident in a more positive light."

"Then you will drop the charges?" Said Kenshin hopefully. It was 4 a.m. already. No one enjoyed haggling over a lawsuit when sane people should be in bed. 

"No." Said Saitou, his face once again an impassive mask. "Don't forget a Shinsengumi doesn't back down before an enemy."

"Dash it, Saitou, all you need to do is go back to sleep and forget about everything that has happened!" 

The exchange seemed to have reached an impasse. At that moment, the door flew open, revealing a night gowned female holding a lantern. Upon espying Kenshin, her eyes lit up, which said a lot for her: many people's eyes lit up when they saw Kenshin, mostly with a murderous gleam. But the light in this gentler species' eyes was akin to that in an angel's singing 'Joy to the World'. 

"Battousai!" She said with glee, as if she had finally met up with Santa Claus. 

Kenshin was at a loss. No one had ever uttered his title with that much gaiety and abandon. Soujirou on pot would have come pretty close. 

The other thing was that, owing to the drastic improvement in the room's visibility, he spotted the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki standing mockingly on an ornamental shelf next to him.

The female took his hesitation as a reply in the affirmative. "I'm Tokio." She said, coming forward with a big smile. "Hajime has been telling me so much about you!"

"Ah." Said Kenshin, not sure whether this was a good or bad thing. 

"Is it true," she gushed. "that you enjoy doing laundry? And shopping? AND babysitting?" 

Kenshin sweated. "It's sessha's pleasure to help Kaoru-dono." He managed.

"I happen to be arresting him, Tokio," Saitou pointed out. The rest of his sentence was drowned out by a squeal of delight from his wife. 

"Kaoru-san is so lucky to have a man like you!" She said it so sincerely that if she had been anyone else, Kenshin would have thought of the remark as sarcasm. "Do you mind accompanying me to the market tomorrow morning? I'll go get your bed ready for the night."

"Oh, don't bother," Said Kenshin, who was thinking more on the lines of a jail cell in the Kyoto Metrop. Police Station, but Tokio had transferred her attention to Saitou. 

"Hajime anata, goodnight!" She said sweetly, and then breezed out of the doorway. 

"That's my wife." Said Saitou, by way of explanation. 

"A very warm-hearted and affectionate lady, that she is." Said Kenshin, deciding it's never too late to butter up the arm of the law some more.

"Hmm!" Said Saitou, a strange look in his eyes. "You're totally wrong on the point. She has been particularly cold and aloof lately, as if there's something preying on her mind."

"Really?" Said Kenshin. It's hard to imagine how anyone could get more warm-hearted than this without bursting into flames. "Doesn't look that bad to sessha."

"Trust me, Battousai," Said Saitou, somewhat wistfully. "When you're married, you'll know it when the female species is miffed."

"Oro?" Kenshin wasn't quite sure why the conversation had suddenly taken this totally unexpected turn. 

Saitou suddenly looked thoughtful. "I've been re-considering the charges against you," he said. "The law is the law, but it is also stated that a criminal can be released without a stain on his character by performing a service to the Metrop. Police."

Kenshin's sixth sense told him that this was leading up to something rotten. "Meaning you." He said.

"Tokio seems to have taken a great liking to you." Said Saitou. "No doubt she sees you as a sisterly soul mate…"

Kenshin's eyes momentarily flashed amber. "I'm not a woman!" He growled.

"… whom she can confide in while shopping together." Continued Saitou coolly. "And therefore help you figure out the cause of her suffering and report it to me."

Kenshin had had enough. It was all a chap could stand to be given two missions, each scalier than the last, in a single day. "Sessha's not doing it." He stomped to the window.

"Remember the News Headlines AND the Wanted Signs, Battousai." Said Saitou ominously. 

"Um."

"And here's the Final Insanity of Kageaki," Continued the policeman, picking up the eyesore. "Personally, I believe stealing it will do a lot of good to everyone's peace of mind--- it'll practically be civil service. However, if it disappears while me, an enforcer of the law, is stationed in a closet in the same room, it'll look pretty bad on the Kyoto Police Force, won't it?" 

"Can't you sleep in your own bed?"

"The snag is, I am sort of excluded from it at the moment." Said Saitou, the wistful look in his eyes once again. "Whether the situation persists is up to you, Battousai. But if I were you, I'd go shopping with Tokio first thing tomorrow and find out what's haunting her."

"So she will welcome you back to her fold, and sessha will be free to take the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki?" 

"Thus rendering the Metrop. Police Force and humanity a great service." Finished Saitou. "Now, I'd better not detain you from your rest. I'm sure you'll need the energy in the morning."

*** To be continued  
Next Chapter: Shopping the streets of Kyoto is not for the Weak-Hearted


	3. Shopping the Streets of Kyoto is not for...

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki and some company that doesn't belong to me. 

Dedicated to Beriath: Thanks for the proofreading and encouragement! Love you lots!

To all reviewers: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am most honored. 

Kenshin's Brush with Art

Ch. 3: Shopping the Streets of Kyoto is not for the Weak-Hearted

Having spent a fitful night dreaming of dodging Gatotsu strikes with a ball and chain on his ankle, Kenshin woke up and pondered on what he should say to the breakfast table committee to explain his unexpected arrival in the middle of the night. He never got the chance to do so though, because as soon as he had stepped into the dining room he was greeted by an excited shriek:

"Good morning!" Exclaimed Tokio, nudging a man next to her. "Father, look! Here's Battousai I've been telling you about!"

So much for an introduction. 

The curse of humanity, Harada Reizo, was seated at the table studying his bowl of cold soba with a contemplative air. He didn't look like Tokio at all: apart from a mass of white frizzy hair, the rest of him seemed to be composed of languidly-hanging limbs, resembling an umbrella frame that had just emerged from the typhoon. At the mention of Kenshin's name, his head cocked a fraction sideways to get a look at the newcomer. 

"Oh." He said. And that was it: no gasp of surprise or narrowing of the eyes--- Harada just turned his attention back to the bowl in a totally uninterested manner. Battousai might as well have been the new gardener. Otherwise, his name failed to ring a bell on Planet Pottery.

"Mr. Himura is my newly recruited undercover intelligence officer." Supplied Saitou, before throwing himself on his soba. There was a grain of truth in the statement. 

"You're lying." Said a sullen voice from the other end of the table. It came from a boy who looked like Yahiko with permanent toothache, whom Kenshin took to be Tsutomu. He was regarding Kenshin with a disapproving scowl. 

Saitou looked amused. "Explain." He commanded. 

"I read in books that people who come in the middle of the night dressed in weird clothes are up to no good." Said Tsutomu. 

"Such as?"

"Taking your money," Said Tsutomu, his eyes taking on a vague look here. "And going to bed with you. Dunno."

"Those are ladies of the night." Said Saitou, unperturbed. "But as you can observe, Mr. Himura is deficient in some of the more important qualities required for the profession, even though for the less important ones he seems to make the grade…"

Kenshin's eyes, which previously hosted a wounded look, now held the promise of three-months hospitalization for a certain cop. 

"I suppose you didn't pay enough for a decent one, then." Said Tsutomu doggedly, unwilling to relinquish his theory. 

"Oro???" Kenshin decided that his retribution on Saitou could wait. If removing the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki was civil service, removing Tsutomu would practically amount to the salvation of mankind. 

"Nice bit of reasoning, Tsutomu." Mused Saitou. "Keep working on it and you'll become a shrewd copper one day."

"Hai!" Said Tsutomu, turning back to his breakfast smugly. 

Kenshin was stopped short of possible child abuse when Harada suddenly piped up. "Mr. Battousai," He said. "Are you acquainted with the masterpieces of Kageaki Yoshi?"

"Sessha…" Kenshin hesitated. He wasn't particularly gifted in the lying department, and it wouldn't be nice to say: "Yeah, and what's more, I've come to steal yours."

Saitou surreptitiously mouthed the words "Don't get him started". 

"Sorry, sessha has to go to… the bathroom." Said Kenshin quickly, before darting out with god-speed. 

Thus ended the breakfast session.

***

After sending Tsutomu to school (Kenshin secretly hoped it had corporal punishment) with Tokio, the shopping mission commenced. Kenshin wondered how one ought to fire off a gossip conversation, and decided to go for the blunt. 

"Tokio-dono," he said. "Is there something bothering you? Saitou told me you seem to be angry about something lately, that he did."

Tokio stopped in the middle of picking over some fruits. "Humph!" Her eyes took on a frosty hue. "And I suppose he asked you to ask me about it?"

Female intuition had never ceased to amaze Kenshin. "Sessha can't hide anything from you, Tokio-dono," He admitted. "Though sessha has not been 'asked' as much as 'threatened' into doing it."

"Typical of Hajime," Sniffed Tokio. "No tact at all."

"Speaking for himself, sessha also wishes to share Tokio-dono's troubles." Said Kenshin, glad that someone finally sympathized with him. 

"Indeed?" Said Tokio, her face suddenly brightening. "Then just for your information, one can't help being angry when one has to live with a jerk like Hajime all the time, right?" 

That was something of a revelation. Tokio might have the benevolence of a Buddha, but clearly, even gods could only take so much. 

"Between you and me," Continued Tokio. "Don't you think Hajime is a callous, heartless and insensitive jerk?" 

If Saitou had been any other person, Kenshin would have put in a kind word for him. But one will be hard put to say that a person is not callous when said person has once skewered self to a ceiling. These things tend to stick up in the memory like a sore thumb. 

"Forgive sessha for saying so, but sessha agrees with what you just said from the bottom of his soul."

"How understanding you are, Himura-san!" She purred happily. "Don't you think he deserves to be taught a lesson?" 

"Long overdue." Said Kenshin wholeheartedly.

"And, you can't expect me to put up with his kind of behavior up to no end," said Tokio matter-of-factly. "So therefore it's HIS responsibility to change for the better."

"If that's possible…" muttered Kenshin to himself. 

"Of course it is!" Said Tokio brightly. "In fact, I've already thought of a way by which I can mold him into a kinder and more caring self." 

"!" Said Kenshin, with no little admiration. If anyone could reform Saitou, it's either god or Tokio, and Kenshin wasn't sure about the former. "Sessha wishes you the best of luck, then." 

"Luck is not a crucial factor," Tokio's eyes flashed with a mischievous gleam Kenshin would soon learn to fear. "However, YOU are."

"You mean sessha? How?" 

"Think about it, Himura-san," said Tokio in a conspiratorial tone. "What kind of thing can drive sensitivity and protectiveness into a man?"

"Having his beloved snatched away by enemies who come out of the blue?" Hazarded Kenshin. That was a familiar one to him. Some part of his mind immediately sounded an alarm call. "Oh no… " He jerked and jumped backwards several feet as if he had contacted a live wire. "You're not expecting sessha to do that, Tokio-dono?" He wailed. "I beg you to spare sessha, sessha is in enough trouble with the law already, that he is!" 

"Relax, Himura-san!" Tokio cooed soothingly. "Breaching of the law is not a requirement."

"Then what do you want sessha to do?"

"If I tell you, will you help me?" Said Tokio hopefully. "If you want to watch Hajime suffer, it's right up your street."

Kenshin's saner side was urging him to distant himself from this pot of madness, but his darker side was winning. If anything could make Saitou writhe in agony, Battousai's all for it.

"Then sessha will help you," he said, and immediately shielded his eardrums against Tokio's jubilant whoop.

After having composed herself, Tokio looked Kenshin up and down with a frown. "We need to complete our shopping, and with haste." She spoke in a businesslike manner. "Do you mind changing this ghastly shirt?"

"Why?" Said Kenshin, somewhat defensively. "What do you want sessha to do, Tokio-dono?" 

"Never mind," she conceded. "We can make do with a bunch of flowers right now."

Kenshin still looked clueless. He couldn't see what that had to do with his inflicting punishment on Saitou, unless the man had a terminal case of allergy to pollen.

"And try to stand up straighter." Added Tokio, who finally seemed satisfied. "Hmm… I'll see what I can do with the rest of you later. Right now we have to go to the Aoiya for lunch."

"Why?"

"Aoiya is the hub of gossip in Kyoto, Hajime is sure to hear of what we do from there." Replied Tokio. "And you," She finished sweetly, "will be my man."

There was a pause.

"Ororororo…" was all a redhead said as he sank gently to the ground into an unconscious heap. 

Tokio sighed. It'd take a hell lot of pretence on her part for this to work. 

***

  
Ch. 4: The Woes of Being a Mole. 


	4. The Woes of Being a Mole

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki and some company that doesn't belong to me. 

Dedicated to Beriath: Sorry that nothing new is happening in this chapter. It was supposed to be part of last chapter, but I was just too slow in typing… 

To all reviewers: Thanks for being so patient! 

Ch. 4: The Woes of Being a Mole. 

"Irasshaimase!" Called Okon as she greeted another couple passing through the doorway of the Aoiya. Her next words, however, were caught in her throat as she saw who they were. 

"Are you alright, Okon-san?" Smiled Tokio, waving a bouquet in front of her coquettishly. "Table for two, please."

"Himura-san!" Gasped Okon at the sight of the swordsman. He seemed to be walking along Tokio in a trance.

"Do you know him?" Said Tokio, pleased. "Isn't Himura-san sweet? He bought me such nice flowers!"

"Himura-san!" Okon was speaking with a hint of disbelieve now. "Where's Kaoru?" 

"Sessha… sessha will explain later, Okon-dono!" Said the rurouni with a squeak as he was nudged sharply in the ribs by Tokio. 

"No, we're going to the movies later, remember?" Said Tokio playfully. "Where's our table?" 

Moving on automatic, Okon directed the duo to a table. 

"Himura-san," Whispered Tokio, once Okon had departed to fire off the gossip chain reaction. "Can you stop looking so jumpy? The way you're acting, people'll think I'm holding you hostage! You did agree to help me, didn't you?" 

"Sessha did, but sessha rather prefer doing it in a way that doesn't involve having Saitou come through the wall for sessha's throat!" Said Kenshin, his hand creeping unconsciously to his sword hilt.

"Good, I want him to get angry." Said Tokio gleefully. "It'll be instrumental in making him a better person in the long run." 

"Sessha's somewhat concerned with the consequences in the short run, that he is."

"Why worry? You beat him once, didn't you?"

"No."

"Really? I thought Hajime's just too ashamed to tell me." Said Tokio with a laugh. "Still, you're alive, which says something."

"Yes, it says sessha wishes to stay that way!"

"Himura-san," said Tokio with a somewhat disappoint tone. "Do you know why I asked you to help me? You're the only one who can stand up to Hajime. I asked Chou to help me once, but the man was too stupid to comprehend my plan."

"Smart of him."

"Himura-san, my future happiness is in your hands!" said Tokio imploringly. "Our plan might as well be scratched if you are already prepared to cringe before Hajime like a salted worm. I know how you feel, but you did say you wanted to sic some pain on Hajime! Will any self-respecting warrior forgo his vengeance on a sworn enemy just because it's likely to get a bit hazardous? Of course not!"

Kenshin felt a chill travel down his spine. Thank god Kaoru's nothing like Tokio, he thought silently, or Kami-sama knows what she'd be up to, probably plotting my downfall with the likes of Jin'eh and Enishi…

"Anyway," continued Tokio, "Our efforts will be all for naught if we give up at this point. We must therefore continue lunch with a will of iron. No cringing, all right? We'll keep at it until Hajime snaps." 

"But still…" 

"Shush! Here comes the waitress…" Tokio's face lit up as she saw Omasu approach. 

"Can I take your order now?" Said Omasu coldly, eyeing the couple with a look of disdain. 

"Let me see… we'll have that 'Lover's set meal', thank you!" Said Tokio, patting Kenshin as he choked on his tea. "No cringing, remember?" She said fiercely. 

"Isn't that going a bit too far?" Said Kenshin, his eyes darting around the room like those of a trapped animal. He suddenly caught sight of a shadow behind the paper wall. "Wait Tokio-dono, sessha has to see to something…" 

As he had expected, Saitou was lounging at the corridor with a nonchalant air. "Well what are your findings for this morning Battousai?" He said briskly. "Report."

"Tokio-dono has revealed to sessha that she is unhappy because you are a callous, heartless and insensitive jerk. These are her exact words." Said Kenshin perfunctorily. 

Saitou's eyes narrowed in annoyance, as if an inept underling had failed him. "Ask her some more--- she's hiding something. Anything else?" 

Kenshin gulped. "Er--- she has devised a scheme to instill kindness and sensitivity into you, which mainly involves getting extremely matey with sessha until you crack under the strain." 

Contrary to Kenshin's expectations, Saitou merely looked amused. "I see." He said. 

"The prudent course for you to pursue now, Saitou," said Kenshin urgently, "Is hurry off for a purchase at the nearest florist and throw yourself at her feet for mercy."   
  
"Indeed? I'll do no such thing," Said Saitou with a laugh. "What makes her think I'll fall for a trick like that? You two might as well go ahead--- after all, I enjoy a challenge. I'll see how long she'll keep up this façade before she becomes the laughing-stock of Kyoto."

"Sessha doesn't think this is wise, that he doesn't!" Said Kenshin, a tremor in his voice now.

"A Shinsengumi never yields to his enemy. I thought you knew that." Said Saitou matter-of-factly. "In fact, tell her to bring it on." 

This doesn't bode well, thought Kenshin uneasily as he returned to his seat. Irresistible force and immovable object: which will give? Tokio threw him a questioning glance. 

"Well, did you talk to Hajime?" She said sharply.

"Yes, he asked you to bring it on."

"You see Himura-san, this means WAR!" Said Tokio passionately. "Ah, here comes the artillery…" She picked up a sushi from the Lover's Set Meal that had just arrived. "Open your mouth, Himura-san." 

"O---"Before Kenshin could finish his trademark exclamation, a sushi was stuffed down his pipes. 

"Your turn," said Tokio, handing Kenshin the chopsticks once he had stopped spluttering.

"But Saitou---"

"It'll take a while for him to crack," Said Tokio with a wicked smile. "In the meantime, why not just take the opportunity to torture him?" 

There didn't seem to be much of a choice now. Moreover, Battousai seemed to relish the idea of exacting revenge simply by sitting on one's butt eating sushi. "You have a point, Tokio-dono." He said slowly, a grin coming over his face. 

Keeping one hand on the sakabatou hilt, Kenshin started the task of feeding Saitou to the green-eyed monster. 

***  
Despite Saitou's calm and unperturbed exterior, his fingers managed to shake a little as he lit his 30th cigarette. The repetitive action kept his mind off one thing, which was that his body was getting too hot for comfort. It would probably be quite accurate to say that he's seething. But of course, Saitou would be the last person to admit it, even if red mist started curling out of his gloves. 

He strolled another round in the corridor and examined the ghastly scene through the window once more…

I've seen things more terrible than this, he consoled himself. But the sight of it still filled him with a nameless horror: there was his wife, feeding sushi to his enemy the Battousai demurely, while the latter was consuming it with obvious gusto. The people of the establishment, while looking on the scene with disgusted fascination, did ABSOLUTELY nothing to stop or denounce them, as if such things were practically run-of-the-mill events in Kyoto. 

It practically screamed for Aku Sok Zan. 

And the more he pondered on the matter, the more his rage was geared towards Battousai: 

How Battousai must be laughing at him right now! 

Wait, suppose Battousai complied with Tokio just to spite him for that time he was nailed to the ceiling? Or was he the one who had been behind the plan all along? Surely, Tokio was too gentle and mild to think of such a cold-blooded scheme. It must be Battousai who had devised the whole thing for revenge. Yes, his wife could not be capable of such heinous treachery!

If looks could kill, Kenshin would have been a chalk outline on the floor right now. But, much as Saitou yearned to go through his enemy like a barbecue spit for personal and philosophical reasons, doing so would be equal to admitting his defeat in the hands of Tokio, something any self-respecting Shinsengumi member would frown upon. 

"Must. Stay. Cool." He commanded himself, with effort.

It just didn't seem to be working out as well as Aku Sok Zan.

***

Feet pounding the streets of Kyoto urgently, Kaoru finally reached the place she intended to visit for reinforcements: the Aoiya. 

Having thought over things on the Kyoto train, she had come to the conclusion that if Kenshin and Hiko were to have a fight with someone, it wouldn't be a bad idea to enlist the Oniwabanshu's help. 

"Misao-san!" She yelled breathlessly as she spotted the ninja standing at the door. "I need your help! Kenshin's in big trouble!" 

To her surprise, the ninja didn't appear to be flustered by the news at all. 

"I bet he is," said Misao, a strange look in her eyes. "He's inside right now, if you want to know."

Kaoru emitted a gasp of anguish. "How--- how is he?" 

There was the strange look in Misao's eyes again. "Fine at the moment, but probably not for long."

Brushing the ninja aside, Kaoru ran past the rooms where customers were served and pulled to a stop in front of one of them, eyes wide in disbelieve as she watched her Kenshin smugly pop a sushi into the mouth of a female. 

"Ken---"

"He bought her flowers, too. Oops, I shouldn't have told you that…" Said Okon helpfully.

"---shin---" The wooden handle of the bokken started to splinter. 

"Makes you lose faith in half of the world's population, doesn't it?" Opined Misao. "Face it, men are all like that. Look at Aoshi-sama!"

"What did he do?" Growled Kaoru, still trying to digest the horrific scene before her. 

"Nothing, that's the problem." Said Misao, suddenly bursting into tears. 

"Sounds good to me." Said Kaoru enviously. "Do you know of any way I can paralyze that baka from the waist down such that he won't be able to do anything but laundry from now on?" 

"I suppose we'll find out soon," Said Okon hopefully. "Misao, let's not get in the way of Kaoru-san." Taking Misao by the hand, the two exited with the speed of people evacuating from a volcano on the brink of eruption. 

Kaoru was rolling up her sleeves as a preparation to wallop her rurouni to next century when she spotted her most hated policeman leaning against the wall with his foul cigarette. 

"What are you doing here?" She demanded. If Saitou was here to settle some petty score back in the Bakumatsu, he had better get in line. 

"I'm wondering whether I should gut that adulterer Battousai like a fish." Said Saitou, a dreamy look in his eyes.

"Please go ahead," said Kaoru acidly. "And, if you have time, do that to his luncheon partner, too."

"I can't. She's my wife." Said Saitou, somewhat remorsefully.

"Oh!" Kaoru felt her esteem of the cop rise several notches. "Poor fellow!" She said sympathetically, all personality clashes momentarily forgiven. "Um… how about if you take care of Kenshin and I tackle your wife?" 

"Tokio is just misguided." Said Saitou firmly. "No doubt enticed by--- whatever it was you saw in him, absurd as it sounds." Somewhere in the Wolf's mind, a plan was already forming. 

"Then I suppose we're both in the anti-Kenshin alliance," Allowed Kaoru. "Let's hope there's enough of him to go around."

"Wait." Snapped Saitou, as Kaoru surged forward like an angry tide. "What are you going to do?" He asked.

"Beat some sense into him, of course!" 

"And what will be the effect, you think?" Smirked Saitou. "If you rush out there and make a scene now, I take it that he'll probably drop what he's doing and apologize for the sake of honor."

"I guess you're right. Isn't that good?" 

"Think about it, Tanuki," said Saitou, secretly delighted that Kaoru's following his cue. "Has he ever stopped doing something just for the sake of YOU?"

"Once or twice…" Said Kaoru grudgedly. That struck a particularly sore spot. 

"I take it that he has never tried to understand how you FEEL before he does anything." Added Saitou. "Right?" 

"How perceptive you are, Saitou-san!" Exclaimed Kaoru, slamming her bokken onto the floor in enthusiasm. "But there's nothing I can do to change that! How frustrating!" 

"Not anymore," Said Saitou with an evil grin. "I know the way by which we can mount a perfect retaliation against him."

"And let him know how I feel?" Said Kaoru eagerly. "How?"

"Simply," said Saitou, eyes aglow with savage delight. "By doing unto him what he is doing unto us…" 

***

Next chapter: The (sigh) Inevitable Alt. Pairing


	5. The Inevitable Alt Pairing

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki and some company that doesn't belong to me. 

Dedicated to Beriath.

To all reviewers: thanks again for reading and reviewing!

Kenshin's Brush with Art

Ch. 5: The Inevitable Alt. Pairing

Kenshin was so busy for the rest of the day that, unbelievable as it sounds, he totally forgot that Saitou would be springing a gatotsu on him any moment. After all, the man was nowhere in sight. Kenshin was beginning to suspect that Tokio had been wasting her efforts.   
  
After emerging from the end credits of a horror movie, the subject of clothing popped up again:

"Himura-san," began Tokio, "I'm seriously considering confiscating your sword--- It's the Meiji Era after all, and the man sitting next to you in the cinema kept praying every time you sprang up all of a sudden and did THAT stance. Himura-san?" She tapped him on the shoulder. 

Kenshin whipped around with god-speed and shifted automatically to Battou-jitsu mode. 

"Yes, I was referring to THIS stance," giggled Tokio. "How many times do I have to tell you it's not going to come after you? You really ought to go to movies more, Himura-san…" 

"Oro!!!" Quavered Kenshin, who was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. "Please, no more movies, Tokio-dono!" 

"Don't worry Himura-san, we're going to a nice secluded spot for dinner later… You'll like that, won't you?" Said Tokio soothingly.

"Sessha would love to spend a quiet and peaceful evening, that he would." Said Kenshin gratefully. 

"The snag is, it's one of those classy foreign restaurants." Continued Tokio. "You'd have to leave your sword at the door, like as not."

"That's fine with sessha." said Kenshin, who was still in a dazed state after the movie experience.

"And don a white tie." Added Tokio cautiously. 

"Anything you say, Tokio-dono." Kenshin said, and hesitated. A sense of foreboding stole over him, but for the life of him he couldn't understand why.

"Excellent!" Tokio chirped happily. "Let's do that once I've fixed Tsutomu some dinner, shall we?" 

***

It's a universal law that women can spend hours on getting dressed and still make it all worthwhile. It wasn't true for Kenshin who, after spending two hours on getting into the evening clothes (of which one hour consisted of the rental shop attendant attempting to get him out of his old ones), now moved through the streets of Kyoto like a strangled corpse. Much of this had to do with the overly stiff collar and the thing around his neck that looked too much like a hangman's noose for comfort. And there was the matter of the pants. Kenshin could understand perfectly why foreigners used walking sticks now. 

"There's no need to hurry, Himura-san, I made a reservation!" Called Tokio, looking back at the rurouni lurching through the streets stiffly. She was dressed in something that would have made Yumi blush. Kenshin focused his gaze on his shoes. 

"Hai!" He said softly. Shoelaces had never looked this interesting. 

"You know, evening dress certainly becomes you," said Tokio, cocking her head a little. "If only Hajime could see this!" 

"Sessha would rather die," said Kenshin despondently. It's not as if he had a say in the matter anyway. Western dinner jackets were built with no regard for the needs of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu users. But, he suspected that Saitou would die of a laughing fit if he'd seen him anyway. 

The scenario never came to pass. Tokio, who was walking in front of Kenshin, suddenly stopped dead. Kenshin stopped too, and espied his enemy Saitou, seated at a table with the same wardrobe handicap. 

Unlike Kenshin, the Wolf of Mibu seemed quite at ease in his evening dress, as if he was confident that he could strangle Kenshin in them, if necessary. Kenshin began to tense. 

That is, until he saw occupant B of the table, a girl dressed in a lacy outfit that exposed too much thigh. She lowered the fan in front of her face, revealing eyes strikingly similar to---

"Kaoru-dono… " Kenshin gave a deathly gasp, then emitted another heart-rending cry. "Kaoru-dono!!!!!!!" 

It wasn't very loud, but the tone alone was enough to put to rest all of Kaoru's suspicions that there's actually any chemistry between Kenshin and Tokio. Her eyes, previously hosting murderous intent, now shone with renewed happiness: so that baka does care about me! I really should do this more often… she thought smugly, and suddenly reminded herself that a little pain was the least she could give Kenshin for sailing under false colors. The sparkle in her eyes died, replaced by a look of annoyance. 

Although unable to perform anything closer to god-speed than a trot, Kenshin managed to skid to his knees in front of Kaoru. "Kaoru-dono!" He wailed. "Sessha doesn't mean any of this, that he doesn't!" 

"Who are you?" said Kaoru coldly. "Waiter! Can you tell this gentleman to return to his own seat?" 

"Some people just don't know how to behave in an establishment of high repute." Smirked Saitou. As two men approached in an attempt to uproot Kenshin. 

"Kaoru-dono! Please say something, or hit sessha!" Pleaded Kenshin.

"This man must be mentally unstable," Said Saitou evilly. "Shouldn't his woman put him in some sort of home?" 

Tokio, who was looking on the scene with an air best described as sizing up an opponent, walked forward gently and, with astounding strength, hauled Kenshin back to her table by his tie. 

"Himura-san!" She whispered to the still 'oro-ing' rurouni, "Fear not! Kaoru-san knows all, I can see it in her eyes!" 

"Oro?!" Whimpered Kenshin, still rubbing his neck painfully. 

"Humph! I can't imagine how you can read an opponent when you don't even have a clue what your own woman is up to." Whispered Tokio. "Anyway, it is imperative that you stop this silliness. I could have sunk through the floor out of embarrassment!" 

"But Kaoru-dono… and Saitou… " Kenshin's eyes darted between Saitou and Kaoru with growing alarm. A lamb among wolves would have fewer things to fear than Kaoru at the moment. 

"Copy-cat!" Tokio said disdainfully at the general direction of Saitou. "Himura-san! Can you see how he defies us? We must redouble our efforts!"

"Yes, I'll kill him!" Snarled Kenshin, and suddenly remembered that he's rather lacking in sword to back up his words.

"That's for the toast, Himura-san." Said Tokio firmly as she wrenched the knife from Kenshin's grip. "Let's do it MY way, shall we? I have planned a little surprise that is sure to make Hajime's hair stand on end. Now sit down and eat… " 

The first three courses were endured painfully. Needless to say, the sight of Saitou and Kaoru smashing wine glasses merrily was sufficient to turn food into ashes in Kenshin's mouth. Kenshin's only consolation was from stabbing the overly tough steak in front of him like a hated foe. 

Then the cavalry Tokio had spoken of arrived. He was a balding man with a strange long-handled box and a misshapen-looking bow. 

"For you and the gentleman, madam," He bowed, and started performing "Beautiful Dreamer" on his stringed instrument. 

Kenshin shot Saitou a glance. The man was leaning forward with a somewhat interested air, as if he was watching Shishio perform some new style of acrobatics. Kaoru whispered something in his ear, and he nodded. 

"Minstrel," He said. "I want you to perform for us." 

"Sorry sir, I only do that for customers who have made a request in advance!" 

"Indeed?" Said Saitou, his voice low and dangerous. "Then I suppose I'll give you a minute to consider my request." 

One look at Saitou's eyes persuaded the violinist that music should be free for all. "Um… I can make an exception this once, sir." He quavered, and moved over to their table. 

'How romantic, Saitou-san!" Simpered Kaoru, a little too loudly. 

The unfortunate musician had barely started on the refrain when a hand tapped him smartly on the shoulder. He looked back to see the mentally unstable man, whom he had been cautioned about, glaring at him with eyes the color of liquid fire.   
  
"Come back here." Said Battousai softly.

"Yes, sir!" Whimpered the unhappy man, whose feet automatically slid a few inches towards Tokio's table, apparently without bending at the knees. 

"I HATE inconsistency." Sneered Saitou, whose gaze was going through the musician like a couple of gatotsus. "Make up your mind." 

Fortunately for the minstrel, a string took the opportunity to snap. "Technical failure!" He yelped jubilantly, before making for the door like a Christian slave escaping from the coliseum.   
  
Tokio stood up abruptly. "How disappointing, Himura-san." She said. "Let us leave."

The dinner concluded with a draw. 

***

At the Aoiya…

Kamiya Kaoru turned around expectantly when a thud notified her that someone had just flitted into her room through the window. 

"Kaoru-dono!" Said Kenshin softly. "Please, allow sessha to explain!" 

"It had better be good…" Said Kaoru stiffly. 

(1 hour later)

"So, in short, you have to make Saitou a better person so that Tokio won't banish him from the bedroom any more, SO you can steal the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki for Hiko-sensei?" Said Kaoru incredulously. 

"Sessha is so glad that Kaoru-dono believes him!" Said Kenshin, cheering up a little too soon… 

That's Kenshin, thought Kaoru, one can always count on him doing things for some noble cause…

It irked her beyond measure. 

"Oroorooro…" A second later, Kenshin found himself sliding off a crater on the wall slowly, the imprint of a bokken on his head. 

"Kenshin no baka!" Fumed Kaoru, brushing plaster dust off her bokken. "You always have a good reason for running off, but have you ever thought of my feelings?" 

"Sessha… sessha has no intention of hurting Kaoru-dono's feelings!" Squeaked Kenshin weakly, still trying to shake off the stars currently orbiting his head. 

"I'd rather you have the intention to NOT hurt my feelings!" pouted Kaoru. 

"Sessha promises not to run off again in the future, that he does!" 

"Mou!" Said Kaoru irritably. "You have misunderstood my point… you can run off as often as you like, but…"

"Sessha has to care about your feelings?" Piped Kenshin. The bokken therapy seemed to have done its job in giving the brain the wake-up call all right. 

"Exactly!" Yipped Kaoru. 

"But… how?"

"Such as…" Kaoru twirled around dramatically. "If it was my birthday, I'd want you to spend the evening with me." 

"Wait a minute," said Kenshin, as some piece of critical memory stirred. "It IS your birthday tomorrow!" 

"Well, then you know what to do." Said Kaoru demurely. "I don't care what you happen to be doing, just be at Saitou's place at 8 p.m. sharp tomorrow night."

"At Saitou's? Why?" Said Kenshin, a trifle warily. 

"I've thought of a way to help you with your plan, Kenshin." Said Kaoru, with a hint of mystery. "But don't tell anyone it's my birthday, all right?" She added, shyly.

"Sessha won't fail you, Kaoru-dono!" Said Kenshin solemnly. 

"Good. 'Cause you know what'll happen if you do." Said Kaoru, smiling darkly. "Or maybe you won't want to know…" She suddenly remembered one other thing:

"By the way," She said sweetly. "Can you wear the suit again tomorrow?" 

***

Next chapter: Darkest Hour  
  



	6. Darkest Hour

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki and some company that doesn't belong to me. 

Dedicated to Beriath.

To all reviewers: My thanks always for reading and reviewing!

Kenshin's Brush with Art

Ch. 6: Darkest Hour

The next morning Tsutomu saw yet another stranger at the breakfast table. 

"Father," He eyed Kaoru curiously. "How much did you pay for this one?"   
  
"Nothing, Tsutomu." Replied Saitou.

"Oh! I thought as much." Said Tsutomu proudly. Fortunately for him, the meaning of it all was lost on Kaoru, or tomorrow's headlines would probably be something like "Girl Throttles Kid, 8, to Death".

It was unclear what Harada thought about Kaoru. He wasn't there because he had left the night before to visit a friend. But, being Harada, he probably wouldn't notice even if Saitou had brought along the entire geisha house ensemble for breakfast. 

"So what are you going to do for today, Hajime?" Said Tokio, with the tone of a military sergeant exchanging notes with his nemesis. 

"Kamiya-san and I are going shopping in the afternoon," Said Saitou crisply. "And to a fair at night." 

"Not the fair," interjected Kaoru. "We're staying home for the night." She gave Saitou a wink that meant, "Just do it my way, OK?"

"That is the plan, then." Agreed Saitou. 

"Then we're also going shopping in the afternoon." Said Kenshin immediately.

"That's so nice of you, Himura-san, going shopping with me twice in two days!" Appraised Tokio. 

"And we're also staying here for the night, right?" Added Kenshin.

"No, Himura-san," Said Tokio, her eyes alight again with the mischievous glint that intelligent men would take as a sign to start fleeing. "That would be so boring!" 

Speaking leisurely, as if savoring the effect of her words, she added, "Let's go to the bathhouse tonight."

She stole a triumphant glance at Saitou, who had flinched visibly, then quickly regained his composure. 

Kenshin and Kaoru were both pale-faced, staring at her with their mouths hanging open. 

"B-u-u-t Tokio-dono!" Stammered Kenshin, not sure what to say without injuring Tokio's dignity. "Sessha has--- some business to attend to here tonight! At eight, to be precise."

"That's all right," Said Tokio breezily. "We'll start at six. That should leave us plenty of time."

"Tokio-san," said Kaoru, her hands clenched in silent fury. "Just in case you're interested, I'm going to do something INCREDIBLY fun with Saitou-san tonight, too." There's something known as an eye for an eye. If Tokio dared lay a finger on her Kenshin, Kaoru would give her a man for a man. 

"Oro!!!"

"Do take your time in the bathhouse, Tokio," said Saitou nastily. "I'll be so busy with Kamiya-san, I won't want Battousai to crash our little party." 

"Sure, we've all got SUCH a lot to look forward to tonight." Said Tokio, her tone somewhat more syrupy than usual. 

Tsutomu was deep in thought. Any intelligent kid knows that when Daddy and Mummy start fighting, it's the perfect opportunity to sneak off for some quality time at the friend's house. 

"Father, Mother, can I sleep at Takuya-san's place tonight?" He whined. "He always wants to show me his father's shotgun collection." 

"That sounds educational," approved Saitou. "Permission granted."

"Come Tsutomu," said Tokio warmly. "Mother will help you pack."

"Hurray!" Cheered Tsutomu.

***

(6 p.m.)

Tokio and Kenshin walked into Fuji Bathhouse, as scheduled. 

"Perseverance, Himura-san, perseverance!" Whispered Tokio. "I don't know what vile deed Hajime is up to with Kaoru-san, but we must stand firm! In terms of vileness, we hold the trump!"

Kenshin nodded without much enthusiasm. He did not know what Kaoru had planned to do to Saitou, but it was the fact that he did not know what Saitou would do to Kaoru that got him worried. Supposed… 

Ironically, if Kenshin had known what Kaoru's plan was, he would have worried about Saitou, instead. 

They arrived at a bathing room. It consisted of two separate rooms: an outer one for hanging clothes and storing valuables, and an inner one for bathing. 

"Here's the plan, Himura-san," said Tokio. "Since we've already paid, we might as well take advantage of the facilities here."

"Oro?!" Cried Kenshin, who would gladly pay in order not to use the facilities with Tokio. 

"Hey, it's not what you're thinking of!" Said Tokio sharply. "What I meant was, you bathe while I sit outside. We have to keep up appearances, you know. If none of us bathe the manager will bung us out."

"Why don't you bathe and I sit outside, Tokio-dono?" Said Kenshin courteously. "After all, you are going to foot the bill."

"Don't be absurd," Said Tokio sensibly. "If Hajime dashes in--- and I daresay he will pretty soon--- and finds me undressed, he's apt to have some funny thoughts about you and me." 

"What about sessha?" 

"Oh, you're all right. Hajime's not interested in what you wear or don't wear. Now get in the bath. I'll go out while you undress." 

***

(6 p.m.)

As a rule, Saitou had never stepped into a kitchen, but today he was compelled to do so, just because he suspected that someone had died inside.

"What's that smell?" 

"I'm cooking." said Kaoru, who was attacking some radishes furiously.

"I saw you bring sand from the garden outside." Said Saitou, slipping into his cross-examining tone.

"Yes, that's because the pan caught on fire," said Kaoru stoutly. "I had to put it out, see?" 

"I see." Said Saitou. "So you are, in a broad sense, cooking. What does this have to do with our plan of provoking Battousai?" 

"Can't you see, Saitou-san? I always cook for Kenshin. If he sees me cooking for you, why, he'll be so mad that he'll hit the ceiling!" 

"So will I if I eat this, by the look of it." Said Saitou dryly, prodding a bowl of red chili stuff that just moved in a way liquid should not. 

"There's another dimension to my plan, too!" continued Kaoru, undaunted. "Let's call it gutting two birds with one gatotsu strike." 

"Does it involve me--- eating this?" 

"I was referring to Tokio-san," said Kaoru earnestly. "I've noticed her shameless advances on Kenshin, and I think THIS will be the ideal wake-up call for her. Think about it: if she finds out that I, a perfect stranger, am taking over a wife's sacred duty of cooking for her husband, it will most certainly rouse her deepest womanly instincts and fill her heart with shame, making her come back to you like a shot!"

Saitou peered into another bowl of unidentifiables carefully. "I bet she will, if only to save a human life." He said with a sigh. "How can you be sure that Battousai will come?"

"Oh, he will," said Kaoru confidently: of course Kenshin will keep his promise! "He can smell this from a mile off, trust me."

"If I were him, I'd choose to stay that distance." Said Saitou sarcastically. "What if he doesn't come?"

"If he doesn't come---" Kaoru's eyes narrowed as she landed an extra-hard strike on the radish. "---let's just eat this and pretend it's a romantic candlelit dinner. We mustn't show any sign of weakening!" 

Saitou nodded glumly. Not for the first time in the day, he found himself wondering what Battousai and his wife were doing in the bathhouse. Funny now the pain of the thought was nothing compared to the pain of awaiting his grisly fate. 

Let's hope Battousai comes back on time to bail me out, he thought bitterly.

***

(7:30 p.m.)

The bath was getting rather monotonous, and Kenshin hadn't been enjoying it that much to begin with, as he was constantly on alert, waiting for a berserk Saitou to burst through the door.

It wasn't the best thing to go with a relaxing bath, especially when he had nothing to defend himself with except possibly a lot of hot water and the magazine Tokio slipped him under the door.

"Tokio-dono, do you think Saitou will come?" 

Tokio's voice wafted through the door from the outer room. "Yes, of course he will! We're in a bathhouse together--- it's not something husbands tend to ignore, right? If THIS doesn't get his hot blood flowing, why, he ought to be certified dead." 

"But, isn't that just what Saitou's capable of?" reasoned Kenshin. 

"Just wait a little longer, Himura-san--- this is the moment of truth! If you desert your post now, our two-days' effort will all go down the drain!" 

"Tokio-dono, sessha has to leave now, that he does." Said Kenshin apologetically. "How about if we come again another day?"

"Don't leave me, Himura-san!" Pleaded Tokio. "Hajime's going to snap soon--- it's a matter of minutes, I swear!" 

"Sessha--- sessha has an appointment with Kaoru-dono, that he does!" Said Kenshin, a little more urgently. "Sessha is most sorry for this, but sessha is sure there must be another way of moving Saitou!" 

"Are you really leaving now, Himura-san?" Said Tokio heartbrokenly. 

"Yes, sessha regrets that most deeply, that he does." 

"There appears to be a slight problem," came Tokio's voice through the door. 

"What is it?" 

"I've locked your clothes and sword inside this iron locker here, and carelessly lost the key." 

There was a long pause.

"How can you have lost it, Tokio-dono?" Said Kenshin, now with genuine panic. "There's only so much space in the room for you to lose things in!"

"Nevertheless…"

"Tokio-dono," Said Kenshin, reaching the painful conclusion that he'd have to, for the first time in ten years, descend to the level of using threats. "If you don't give me back my clothes soon, sessha will--- um--- open the door and come out." He finished lamely. 

"You are welcome to do that, Himura-san," Replied Tokio tearfully. "Actually, I've lost the key down the inside of my kimono. I'm looking for it now, why don't you come out and help?"

"Oro?!?"

***

Next Chapter: Taming of the Wolf

  



	7. Taming of the Wolf

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki and some company that doesn't belong to me.  
  
Thanks Beriath for encouragement!  
  
To dear reviewers: sorry that I haven't updated for ages, I am starting my new semester in India and haven't been able to touch a computer for ages.   
  
Kenshin's Brush with Art  
  
Ch. 7: Taming of the Wolf  
  
(7:50 p.m.)  
  
Kenshin had fought under more handicaps than he could count. He could fight with a chain tied around his neck, with his senses impaired by arcane explosives, with a reversed-blade sword, with a broken reversed-blade sword, or even WITHOUT a sword. None of those handicaps had stumped him more than this one now. He wasn't even sure whether he could, despite Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu's god-speed, run back to Harada's place without being seen by anyone, not to mention fighting.   
  
Soujirou's invisible Shukuchi would have come extremely handy at the moment.   
  
Or rather, clothes.   
  
He was roused from his troubled thoughts by footsteps approaching outside the window of the bathhouse. It was one of those girls who worked in the bathhouse, coming to add wood under his already steamy confinement. Like a drowning soul who had glimpsed a straw, Kenshin suddenly remembered that the bathhouse might be able to lend him some clothes other customers had left behind.   
  
He poked his head out of the window. "Please!" He yelled desperately. "Can you lend sessha some of your clothes?"   
  
Ok, that was probably not the best way of putting it. The girl, eyes widening in terror, screamed "HENTAI!" at the top of her lungs, chucked a log at him for good measure, and bolted like a startled nymph.   
  
"Oro… that was tactless of sessha." Kenshin reprimanded himself. Another set of footsteps approached. Kenshin peered out to see an older lady, presumably the bathhouse manager, glaring at him critically from a safe distance.   
  
Not wanting to lose his only hope, Kenshin decided to start the conversation on a subject that would be better received.   
  
"Um, manager-dono," He tried. "Nice bathhouse you have here."   
  
"Thanks." Came the curt reply.  
  
"The water temperature is excellent."  
  
"Glad to hear that."  
  
"Sessha knows it's very hard to get that right, that he does," said Kenshin, sliding into gear. "Sessha does it all the time at home."  
  
"Humph!" That seemed to hit just the right spot. "You're talking about two totally different things: THIS is a bathhouse. The bathhouse at your home is just an oversized puddle."   
  
"You're right, you're right." Said Kenshin quickly.  
  
"What else do you like about this bathhouse?" Inquired the manager, now considerably placated.  
  
"Er… the magazines?" Tried Kenshin, who had just been reading one.  
  
"Oh, I came up with that idea!" Said the manager happily. "You must have liked them a lot, since you've been in there for nearly two hours."  
  
"Oh… right." Sweated Kenshin. He wondered how to raise the embarrassing topic of clothing.   
  
"Then do come more often--- let me present you a discount coupon." Said the manager generously, and walked away.   
  
Then an idea occurred to Kenshin. Tearing a blank page off the magazine (hoping that the manager wouldn't notice it later), he wrote a brief message with the charred end of a log.   
  
"Manager-dono, Sessha has a request to ask of you." He said, as the woman returned. "Sessha has an appointment with a lady friend at eight. But as sessha is enjoying your bath so much, sessha would like to stay here. Can you be so good as to deliver a message to her and ask her to join sessha here?"   
  
"But, don't you already have a lady with you?" She said, looking confused.  
  
"Oh!" Yelped Kenshin. He had forgotten about this bit. "Er, sessha just wants more people to know about your establishment!" He finished awkwardly.   
  
The manager hesitated. After a brief internal struggle between morality and economics, the latter got the upper hand. "Thank you so much for your support, Mr.---"   
  
"Himura."  
  
"I'll go and do that, shall I?"   
  
***  
  
(8:05 p.m.)  
  
Saitou stared warily at the, for want of a better word, food in front of him. This was it, the final showdown: either he's going to finish it off or it's going to finish him off. Despite Saitou's normally unflappable confidence, he strongly suspected that the latter was going to be the case.  
  
Kaoru slammed the clock down on the table angrily. "So that baka has failed me! I don't know what story he's going to come up with this time, but we mustn't let him and your wife get the better of us… proceed with the candlelit dinner!" She paused and looked around. "Hey, where are the candles? I saw them a moment ago."  
  
Using his chopsticks, Saitou fished out a half-dissolved string from the soup. "This looks like a candlewick to me." He remarked dryly.  
  
"Oh!" Exclaimed Kaoru. "I guess I chopped them up by mistake, then. They looked like turnips anyway. Wax is edible, right?"   
  
"Not to me, Tanuki." Said Saitou bluntly.  
  
"Is that the Wolf of Mibu talking?" Wondered Kaoru. "I can't believe people who have been through the Bakumatsu and all that can be scared of a little differently-inspired cooking." She said. "Why, Kenshin eats it every day!"  
  
Battousai must be stronger than I thought, mused Saitou to himself. This, however, was not a thought Saitou could live happily with. He decided that if the stuff couldn't kill Battousai, it couldn't kill him, either.  
  
Calmly, he pulled the bowl towards him, but another look at it was enough to make any man lose faith in his digestive system. It was bright red, and smelled like burnt ginger. Lumps of white substance bobbed up and down on its surface. Saitou was almost certain that if he dropped a match into it, it would explode.  
  
He suddenly found himself missing his wife. Was that why his eyes were getting misty? Or was it all that chili? Well, there's no way he'd let Tokio score one off him now. Gritting his teeth, he gingerly dipped a spoon into the seething mass.  
  
Whether Saitou would fare better than Kenshin remained a mystery, because he was interrupted by a knock at the door.   
  
"Kenshin!" Gasped Kaoru.  
  
"Excuse me, I'm the manager of Fuji Bathhouse," Came a woman's voice. "With a message from Mr. Himura."  
  
Kaoru's face fell, but she took the folded piece of paper anyway. "Let's see what's his excuse this time…" She grumbled as she returned to the table. Upon opening it, a smaller piece of paper floated out, but she ignored it.   
  
Her face turned an excited shade of pink as she read the message. "Oh, my!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's Kenshin! He's trapped in the bathhouse because Tokio-san hid all his clothes!"   
  
Saitou smirked darkly. He had not underestimated Tokio.   
  
"AND, he begs me to bring him some clothes!" Continued Kaoru, her voice trembling with emotion.   
  
"Loser." Commented Saitou.  
  
"You don't understand, Saitou-san!" Kaoru looked blissful. "He has never asked me to help him before!"  
  
"Ah, too bad he'd have to live with a sullied record from now on."  
  
"And what's more---" Kaoru's eyes were brimming with tears of happiness. "He has sent me a birthday present! That baka does care about my feelings after all!" She picked up the smaller piece of paper. "Oh, Kami-sama!" She gave an excited shriek. "It's a discount coupon for a lover's bathing session at Fuji Bathhouse! He's finally making a move on me! Do you think he's making a move on me, Saitou-san?"   
  
Saitou did not reply. His face was locked in a strange expression, as if he had just eaten Kaoru's food without adequate mental preparation.   
  
"Saitou-san?" Kaoru was about to try slapping him on the back when he uttered one word with a tremor in his voice:  
  
"Tokio!"   
  
"What's the matter?"   
  
"I forgot her birthday!"   
  
"It's her birthday today, too?"  
  
"No, it was two months ago." Saitou sighed.   
  
Kaoru waggled a finger teasingly. "Tsk, tsk, that was careless of you, Saitou-san." She rebuked gently. "No wonder she's running off with another man! You ought to apologize to her right away."  
  
Saitou was silent. Even the worst of husbands knows, as a rule, that wives take their birthdays as seriously as Aku Soku Zan. Saitou respected principles. Tokio respected his, so he saw no reason not to disrespect hers.   
  
Plus, the alternative of not apologizing was to continue with dinner.   
  
A dog can be tamed with food. A man, money. But nothing tames a Wolf of Mibu. Saitou made a mental note to add "except food that is life-threateningly bad" to the end of the sentence in the near future.   
  
"Good idea, Tanuki," He said. "I'll see to that now. Don't wait for me."  
  
***  
  
Kenshin was patiently awaiting Kaoru's salvation when his worst fear came to pass--- namely, the door of the outer room erupted, and someone hurtled into it, panting.   
  
Tokio looked up from her magazine expectantly.   
  
"Tokio," said Saitou. "Happy Birthday!"  
  
Tokio let loose a shriek that made half of Kyoto's population shoot out of their beds. "Hajime anata!" She screamed ecstatically as she leapt into her husband's arms. "I knew you'd finally remember!!!!!" Her face was wreathed in smiles, signifying the end of exile.   
  
Kenshin wondered whether he should, at this point, call for Tokio to give him the key. But then again, he didn't want Saitou to open the door and have a laugh at his helpless self. Therefore, he focused his entire will on breathing softly.   
  
"Let's go home, koishi." said Saitou smartly. Carrying his wife in both hands, he shot out of the ruined door.   
  
After a while, Kenshin stole out to the clothing room cautiously. It was clothe-less. Kenshin believed they were still in the locker whose key Tokio had forgotten to provide him with.   
  
But no mere lock or bolt could stand between the legendary Hitokiri and his target for long. After working desperately on the lock for a while with a nail from the broken door, Kenshin finally became a respectable member of civilized society once more.   
  
He sped back to Harada's place, hoping to apologize to Kaoru for his belated presence, and arrived at a darkened house.   
  
"Kaoru-dono?" He called uncertainly. All he could hear was Tokio's high-pitched giggles coming from the bedroom, which probably meant it's not a good moment to ask Saitou where Kaoru was. Obviously, he might have gotten back via a different route from hers.   
  
It suddenly occurred to Kenshin that now was the perfect opportunity to pocket the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki.  
  
Having learnt from last time's experience, he constructed a makeshift dark lantern (indispensable for seasoned burglars), tiptoed to the study door, and opened the door.  
  
Or rather, tried to open it. The western-style handle refused to budge. As there were still people outside on the street, Kenshin decided against breaking in from the window. There was his recently-acquired nail to the rescue again:   
  
Kenshin found himself enjoying lockpicking. It was like swordmanship: both required a lot of skill, but the former was considerably less messy and does not result in as much guilt. In fact, he was enjoying it so much that he did not notice someone turning around the corner into the corridor where he was.   
  
It was until said person, who was Harada, apparently having returned from his trip, had emitted a gasp, that Kenshin managed to darken the lantern hastily and flee.   
  
Ah, good old god speed--- it had served him well in countless occasions, but its usefulness was somewhat limited when one was fleeing with a sleeve caught by the door handle.  
  
"Oro?"  
  
It took a moment for him to tug his sleeve free, but a moment was all Harada needed to fling himself bodily over the rurouni-turned-burglar, crushing him to the ground. Long, white artist's fingers froze around Kenshin's throat with a grip Saitou would have been proud of.   
  
"Die, thief!" Hissed the old man, an animal growl resounding in his throat.   
  
Kenshin tried to shake him loose, but it seemed that his Will to Live was nothing compared to Harada's Will to Strangle Pottery Stealers. One of his arms was pinned under his body and the other wasn't able to push Harada off without seriously injuring the man. Not good…  
  
If Kenshin ever had the time to compile a log of his eventful life, this would make it into the list of "Top 10 near-death experiences I've had", probably somewhere behind champions like Shishio's exploding gloves, Hiko's Kuzu ryuzen, Aoshi's double kodachis and Saitou's uniform jacket, etc.  
  
His arm finally clutched something useful. It happened to be the cloth on the dark lantern, which gave way, illuminating his face.   
  
"You!" Exclaimed Harada. His grip remained vice-like, but his fingers had ceased squeezing Kenshin's neck as if it was airy clay. "You're… Mr. Battousai!"   
  
***  
  
Ch. 8: Artistic Licence 


	8. Artistic License

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki and some company that doesn't belong to me.

Thanks Beriath for pointing out mistakes!

To dear reviewers: Sorry that I haven't had much time to work on the fic lately, being on the move all the time in India (and computers are crappy, too), but I promise a soon-to-come big fight scene. Thanks again for reviewing! Namaste!

Warning: There may be too much technology in this fic for Meiji Japan, just hadn't occurred to me when I thought up the plot. Fortunately, it's not crucial to the plot, either.

Kenshin's Brush with Art

Ch. 8: Artistic License

Harada seemed torn between the desire to continue squeezing and the desire of fulfilling Japanese hospitality. "What are you doing, picking my lock?" He growled, with a little less enmity. "Speak, or I'll break your bloody neck into five pieces."

Kenshin groaned internally. This was the second time he had been caught while trying unsuccessfully to steal the same object. Why this had never happened while he was assassinating he hadn't a clue.

He could worry about that later. The current pressing need was to disentangle the artist's claws from his throat links without hurting the frail man. "Sessha... "He squeaked, suddenly remembering the bathhouse tactic. "Sessha is an admirer of Kageaki Yoshi!"

These were the magic words. Harada's fingers unpeeled from Kenshin's neck like stunned leeches.

"You are his admirer?" Said Harada, a lot more reverently. "I see! You must have come to see his Final Masterpiece!" He sounded like he had been expecting a pilgrimage all along.

Kenshin rubbed his throat painfully. It seemed that agreeing would be the only way of avoiding another proposed visit to the Kyoto Metrop. Police Station. That is, if Harada hadn't broken his neck first. "Hai." He said, somewhat hesitantly.

"Do you know what it looks like?" Queried Harada.

"Oh, it's pockmarked all over, with corners like mountain spurs, a hole on one side and a thumbprint on the other side." Said Kenshin immediately.

Harada gaped at him adoringly. "Remarkable, remarkable!" He said, amazed. "How did you manage to know all this?"

"Um," said Kenshin. He managed to come up with a quick one. "Everyone back home knows about it, and how it is now in your possession."

"And where is home?"

"Tokyo."

Harada gave Kenshin an envious look that suggested that he, Harada Reizo, hadn't been blessed with a similarly artistic home. "Fancy you coming all this way just to catch a glimpse of the man's last work!" He breathed. "Your devotion surely put mine to shame. Do wait here, I will go get the key right away."

A moment later, Harada ran back to the study door, looking irate. "Mr. Battousai," he said. "This is most unfortunate. I wasn't able to find it. I usually have it on the table beside my bed, but I must have misplaced it."

"Oh!" Kenshin heaved a sigh of relief. He certainly didn't want to spend a harrowing night talking about pottery with this loony. "That's all right, Mr. Harada." He said politely. "We can see it once you've found the key, that we can."

Harada must have mistaken Kenshin's sigh for one of disappointment. "I'm tremendously sorry," He apologized. "I really shouldn't have locked it. It just seemed like a good idea because my son-in-law, Godzilla Furo or something, kept trashing my closet." He looked at the door longingly, and turned to Kenshin with a maniacal gleam in his eyes.

"I have an idea," He said. "We can go find a locksmith."

"Haven't they closed for the night?"

"Then we'll just drag one out of his house." Proposed Harada.

"But..... that's not very nice, that it is not." Sweated Kenshin.

"Of course it isn't," said Harada irritably. "But since you have already travelled all the way here from Tokyo, we can't afford to lose another minute. I know how agonizing it is to wait." With that, he dashed out the door.

"Wait!" Shrilled Kenshin, after the artist's retreating back. "Don't find the locksmith! Sessha has a way!"

"Really?" Harada's face brightened.

"Stand back...."

A split second and the flip of a sakabatou later, the door fell neatly from its hinges.

"Splendid! That was wonderful. How thoughtful of you to bring a sword, Mr. Battousai," yipped Harada. He snatched up the lantern and held it up high. "Let me show you the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki!"

The lantern light, however, fell on an empty space on the shelf.

"Oro?"

"Oh, no...." Muttered the artist. He staggered to the ornamental shelf like a lost soul. "This can't be."

Kenshin was likewise shocked. He hadn't known that that ugly relic was such hot stuff in the world of crime. How on earth was he supposed to steal it now?

"I say!" said Harada, recovering somewhat. "This is outrageous!"

"Yes, that it is...."

"What are you going to do now? I can't send you back to Tokyo without showing it to you!" Said Harada heartbrokenly.

"Sessha doesn't know, either." Said Kenshin, honestly.

"An artistic tragedy!" Harada continued passionately. "Curse these thieves!"

"Sessha agrees, that he does."

Harada seemed to be struck by a thought. "Battousai-san!" He suddenly clutched Kenshin by the shoulders. "Can you help me find it and punish the culprit?"

"Sessha would love to," said the redhead with a sigh. "But we don't know who did it, that we don't."

"With your help, I'm sure we can get it back in no time."

"Who is it?"

"It's a rival of mine named Niitsu Kakunoshin," said Harada, grinding his teeth in fury. "We'll pay him a little visit now. He's one of those lawless ruffians with a sword, so I need you to deal with him while I search his house. With your exceptional swordsmanship, I'm sure you can give him the beating he deserves without breaking a sweat. Let's go!"

He said all this like it's the most normal thing in the world, and an art fanatic like Mr. Battousai should have no problem understanding the need for direct action.

***

Chapter 9: Talk about Excellent Control


	9. Talk about Excellent Control

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki and some company that doesn't belong to me.

Dedicated to dearest Beriath: Happy Belated Birthday! Sorry about the brevity of this chapter, but I just want to publish something for your birthday!   
To dear readers: A million apologies about the long-overdue update!!! Yeah this chapter is weird... not really what I had originally intended...   


Chapter 9: Talk about Excellent Control 

  
_"I beg of you Shishou--- teach me the final technique!" Kenshin pleaded, clutching a corner of the Hiten Mitsurugi inheritor's white mantle in desperation. _

"Absolutely not. You were the one who left ten years ago." Replied Hiko, turning away. "A sword is a weapon. Kenjutsu is the art of murder. Whatever pretty words you use, that is its true nature. Your own foolish ideals, or today's harsh realities--whatever you're trying to protect, it's complete selfishness… perhaps it was a mistake to teach you the Hiten Mitsurugi at all---" 

At this point someone kicked open the door dramatically. 

"Battousai-san!" Harada Reizo burst in, pointing a shaking finger at a somewhat unsettled Hiko. "In the name of Kageaki Yoshi, give this man his what-for this instant!" 

Kenshin started to sweat. "Wait a minute, Shishou, let me explain---"

"You're with him?" Said Hiko, eyeing the two dangerously. It was bad enough knowing that Kenshin worked for the government. Finding him allied with Harada wasn't going to cause a sudden change for the better. "My baka deshi does seem to be popular… perhaps a bit too popular… on second thoughts, maybe I should teach you the 'final' technique after all. Take this…AMAKAKERU RYUU NO HIRAMEKI!" 

Kenshin screamed. 

*End of dream*

***

"Battousai-san!" Yelled Harada, slapping the face of the unconscious ex-hitokiri, who suddenly leapt up with a haunted expression. 

"What happened? You went out cold all of a sudden…" 

Kenshin was immediately reminded of the dreadful task set out for him as reality rushed back in a whoosh. "Mr. Harada," He said firmly. "About the thing you asked sessha to do---" 

"Yes?" 

"Sessha can't do it, sorry." 

"What are you talking about?" Snapped Harada. 

"Sessha doesn't want to beat up people, that he doesn't." Said the rurouni sensibly. Or to have the same to happen to sessha for that matter, he secretly added. "Besides, we must give Sh--- Niitsu Kakunoshin the benefit of the doubt, mustn't we?" 

"Benefit of the doubt?" Echoed Harada. "Trust me, Battousai-san, no one could have stolen it apart from that scum! You have my word for it." 

"Still, innocent until proven guilty…" Reasoned Kenshin. 

"Well, suppose--- by the remotest chance--- that he really doesn't have it, we've got nothing to lose if we beat him up, right?" Said Harada matter-of-factly. 

Words failed Kenshin. This was apparently a clash of logic systems--- by the look of it, he'd sooner persuade Sano to stop freeloading. "Sessha is not going." He said flatly, giving up. 

Harada took a step back. "You disappoint me, Mr. Battousai," he said coldly. "You came all the way here from Tokyo and now for Kageaki's sake you can't even manage a pleasant little stroll up the mountain---" 

"Sessha deeply regrets that, that he does…"

"Fine! Have it your own way then." Said Harada, striding purposefully out of the door. "I suppose I'll just get a few of those good-for-nothing policemen to accompany me…" He grumbled to himself. 

For Kenshin, the meaning of this took a second to sink in. For 300 years the successors of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu had pretty much left the government alone (and vice versa). Kenshin wasn't sure what his master thought of policemen, but Hiko would not be happy if the arm of the law turned up outside his door, asking questions like why, for example, he hadn't paid taxes for the last 14 years…

Forget Shishio Makoto--- if there's one person who the Meiji Government couldn't afford to piss off, it's Hiko Seijuro13th. 

"Kuso." Kenshin said sadly, as he raced out after Harada to save Meiji from impending doom, yet again. "Mr. Harada!" He yelled. "Don't call the policemen! I'm coming with you!" 

***  
Kenshin had hoped that the rugged mountain trail would deter Harada from making it to the hut. Unfortunately, Harada knew the terrain like the back of his own hand. Or, being Harada, like the back of Kageaki's masterpiece. 

"This way, Comrade Battousai!" Shouted Harada, pushing a prickly plant aside with his cane, apparently in high spirits. 

'Comrade' Battousai winced. "How… how did you come to know the way here?" He asked in awe. 

"Oh, been here a couple times." Said Harada with a dismissive wave. "For my guild's official meetings, mostly."

"What guild?" Said Kenshin in amazement. Judging from the amount of traffic, anyone looking forward to living a life of solitude would probably be better off at the grand central station. 

"The Anti- Kakunoshin guild." Said Harada enthusiastically. There was a soft 'ow' as the redhead tripped over a small twig. "Let me see… I can make you an honorary member if you like. I'm the guild head, after all." 

"Um… what does the guild do?" Stammered Kenshin, trying to take his mind off the 'honorary member'. 

Harada scowled, as if the topic had stirred some unpleasant memory. "We make monthly trips up this mountain to persuade that scourge of our profession, Niitsu Kakunoshin, to stop polluting the market with the abominations he call 'art'. Of course the supply is partly due to demand, too, but you can't blame unenlightened consumerism." He suddenly furrowed his brow in thought. "Odd though we never managed to find him at his hut." He admitted. 

"Perhaps it's not worth the effort, then." Kenshin wisely suggested. He wondered why he was never so lucky when visiting his master. 

"Well, the guild hasn't been meeting since last year. We lost too many members, you see."

"You don't mean they're---" 

"Rheumatism got the better of them, I'm afraid." Said Harada. "A curse on this damp mountain! I have high hopes that we'll get him this time, though. He can't camp out forever, can he… why don't you scout ahead, Comrade Battousai?" 

***

Hiko Seijuro was trekking up to the hut with his daily sake quota when the otherwise tranquil night was punctuated by a disturbingly familiar high-pitched whine. "Shishou!!!" Wailed a red-haired dot as it raced up the mountain with god-speed. "I've got terrible news!" 

"Well, did you accidentally kill Harada Reizo?" Said the swordmaster hopefully, as the redhead skidded to a stop before him, panting heavily. 

"Um… no. I was trying to steal the you-know-what when Haradanearlybrokemyneck and I told him I liked Kageaki and everything went downhill from there," Said Kenshin, somewhat nervously (on reflection, though, everything had pretty much been going downhill since he left his beloved laundry at Tokyo). "In short, the you-know-what got stolen and he suspects it's you and now he has forced me to come with him tobeatyouup." He mumbled the last few words in a hurry. 

After staring at his shamefaced student for some time, Hiko sighed. "You never do anything right, baka deshi." He muttered. "Anyway it's nice to hear that the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki is gone for good… I was starting to worry that you'd take another ten years to get back..." 

Kenshin ignored the sarcasm. "Anyway Shishou, unless Harada miraculously trips over the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki on his way here, he's arriving soon… I think you really should go and hide until he's gone, like what you've done numerous times in the past---" He stopped dead. Hiko's dark eyes, normally expressionless, were now blazing with a cold fire. Kenshin suddenly remembered it's a BAD idea to tell a Master of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu to 'go and hide', as it was.

"Um…" He gulped. "I was saying, you should stay out of the way…" 

"What do you mean, 'like what you've done numerous times in the past'?" Scowled Hiko. "I just happened to be conveniently absent when Harada arrived with his cronies." 

"Yes, of course---"

"Which I wasn't aware of before you mentioned it, of course, on account of me not being there." Finished the swordmaster smoothly. 

"So, what are you going to do?" Said Kenshin wretchedly. "He's tearing his way up here!"

The statement was confirmed by a howl of rage from not far below, which resembled that of the Hound of Baskervilles, newly unleashed. "That's the scoundrel, Comrade Battousai!" Shrieked Harada, his eyes bloodshot. " 'ave at him where the sun doesn't shine!" 

"This is the end," Moaned Kenshin. "Perhaps we should tell him the truth…" 

Hiko's scowl deepened until it almost became a grimace. He'd be damned if Harada found out that 'Comrade Battousai' was a student of his, and worse, one that didn't even steal pots efficiently. "I say we play our part." He said with a smirk. 

"What part?" 

Hiko rolled his eyes and lunged at Kenshin with a Ryu Sou Sen that narrowly missed his successor's ponytail. 

"Arghh please be careful Shishou!" Screamed Kenshin, drawing his sakabatou as well. It seemed to him that his nightmare's coming true, after all. 

"Yare Yare… trust your master's excellent control…" 

***

Ch. 10: Talk about Excellent Control 2  



	10. Talk about Excellent Control 2

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki and some company that doesn't belong to me. 

Dedicated to Beriath: Here's the (supposedly) second half of Ch. 9! I hope you like the conclusion! Thanks so much for teaching me how to set italics too!

To any readers: All people who like Kenshin, rejoice! 

Kenshin's Brush With Art

Warning: Contains Flashback

Ch. 10: Talk about Excellent Control 2

If the founders of Hiten Mitsurugi ryu could observe the ensuing battle, they would have died of sheer embarrassment. Of the famed speed and accuracy of the school's technique, neither was in great store. Actually, the only reason why it could be called the Technique of the Soaring Swords was the fact that the swords were still soaring--- albeit like two stoned dragons. For the aforementioned reasons, the struggle was soon brought to the wide space on the cliff beside the waterfall, probably to prevent both combatants from cutting themselves in the desperate attempt to go on. 

"Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu--- Ryu Tsui Sen!" Hiko hurtled from the sky with a blow that would have skewered Kenshin if the rurouni had the reflexes of a straw dummy. "Shishou's going to turn in his grave for this." He muttered to himself, darkly.

"Ryu Kan Sen Tsumuji!" Yelled Kenshin as he launched himself into a whirlwind of death, missed Hiko by meters, and barely stopped himself from running into a boulder. 

"Kuzu Ryu sen!" Charging, Hiko performed the Nine-Headed Dragon Thrust which, against all statistical possibility, all nine strikes managed to miss; in a smooth elegant arc, Kenshin countered with a battou-jutsu with the legendary speed of a sloth; Hiko initiated a Dou Ryu Sen that caused some deadly damage to the place where Kenshin had been standing five minutes ago, while Kenshin leapt up and slashed halfheartedly at a passing bat… 

The thing that both of them were (literally) dying to know was this: How long was Harada going to stand there and watch?

"Harada-san!" Cried Kenshin. "You go on! Leave this man to sessha!" 

"If you don't hurry Harada, I will kill you when I'm done with him." Growled Hiko. Actually, it's starting to look more and more like a good idea, too. 

"Hai, hai…" Murmured the artist, hesitantly. Walking thoughtfully on his way to Hiko's hut, it suddenly occurred to him something's wrong. It wasn't that he found it odd that both combatants seemed to be using the same style (to him it looked just the way swordfights were supposed to go), but Battousai-san seemed to be getting clumsier and clumsier by the minute. So was Kakunoshin, come to think of it. It's just a question of who would accidentally fall on his own sword first. 

The liberation of Kageaki's Masterpiece could wait: Harada decided to join the battle royale. Finding some pots laid out to dry at the edge of the clearing, he picked a particularly hateful-looking one and chucked it at Hiko. It collided with the sakabatou of an airborne Kenshin, who was looking for something to land on. There was a soft 'ping' as pottery shards flew at all directions. 

"Oops, sorry Comrade Battousai---" 

"That's 500 yen you owe me, Harada Reizo!" Yelled Hiko as he tossed out a careless Ryu Sou Sen that neatly missed beheading the ex-hitokiri, who was combing ceramics out of his hair. 

"Indeed? What's it made of then, profit margin?" Retorted Harada. He picked up another pot and lobbed it at the waterfall this time, for good measure. 

Hiko's smirk was momentarily wiped off of his face. "HEY THAT'S MY SAKE YOU BASTARD!" He roared and went into a graceful swan dive towards the waterfall edge to save his favorite beverage. Kenshin instinctively followed suit--- after all, it's a pity to let expensive sake go to waste. 

"You'll probably make better pots without it!" Harada yelled back, as explanation. "Get him now, Battousai-san!" He gave an encouraging holler. 

Kenshin, whose legs were pumping urgently towards the cliff edge after Hiko, suddenly remembered he wasn't supposed to help and abet the 'enemy' in saving his alcohol. What to do next with Harada watching, however, was a problem…

***

(Flashback)

_"Owwww!" _

_* Splash *_

_Hiko Seijuro sipped his sake as a dripping wet chibi-Kenshin crawled out of the waterfall, trying somewhat ineffectively to wring water and various small amphibians out of his clothes. _

_"Oi! About when are you going to get this Ryu Sou Sen right?" The swordmaster said, easily replacing the amused look on his face with that of annoyance. "For as impossible as it may sound, I am getting tired of sake breaks. Or should we turn this into a swimming lesson?" _

_His young charge plodded back onto the platform sullenly. "How am I supposed to get it right if you keep knocking me into the waterfall, Shishou?" He whined. _

_"Baka deshi, your Shishou is not a straw dummy. Straw dummies take hits; opponents defend." Hiko suppressed a chuckle as a particularly wicked idea crossed his mind. "What you need to do to avoid falling into the waterfall again, therefore, is to put some force into the charge. Knock the wind out of your opponent so that he is unable to respond and then you're free to subject him to the straw dummy treatment."_

_Kenshin's eyes lit up with new determination at his master's words. That's it? The thought of siccing some straw dummy treatment on Hiko was certainly enticing. His master hadn't known about the atrocities he usually put the dummies through, if they could still be called dummies instead of straw tied together with holes. _

_"Begin!" Commanded Hiko. The redhead gripped his sword tightly and, with head down and teeth clenched in concentration, shot forward like a cannonball towards his master…_

_…who, snickering, stepped smartly aside at the last moment. _

_"IIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!"_

_*Splash *_

_Hiko smirked. Training was SO much more fun than he thought. _  
  
(End of Flashback)  
***

Kenshin watched in horrid fascination as his legs, despite his loud mental command to halt, kept on carrying him towards the edge of the waterfall where Hiko was. Another… person… was sitting at the swivel chair of his brain, giving orders. 

_What the… am I possessed by the Hitokiri again? _

_No, it's me. _Said a voice. _Your inner child… now listen up--- if you let this chance go another may never come by! _

Suddenly, a million childhood humiliations screamed for revenge. Kenshin watched his legs race faster and faster until the remaining distance to close was three meters… two meters… one meter… 

"Gyaaaaaaa!" Screaming, Kenshin propelled himself through the air with every ounce of his strength and barreled into Hiko, who had just retrieved his beloved sake. 

There were some things Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu Masters couldn't do, and one of them was to stay anchored on a slippery cliff edge when impacted by the momentum of a 48kg rurouni traveling at godspeed. 

"Nani…" Hiko muttered in disbelieve as he took a step back onto empty air. His mantle billowed out, like the wings of a giant bird. Unlike any bird's wings, though, these had 80 pounds of metal strapped to them, which didn't help matters a whole lot. After a few seconds in which Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu took license to render everything slow-motion, gravity finally came to its senses. Hiko's other boot slipped off the tuft. 

*SPLASH *

The last Kenshin saw of his master, he was wearing an extremely annoyed expression before disappearing under the foam. And all Kenshin's inner child could feel at that moment was pure, ecstatic joy of a score finally settled…

That is, before Kenshin the Rurouni and Battousai elbowed their way back into control. 

"Kami-sama…" They said in unison. "Shishou's going to _kill_ sessha/me for this!" 

"Way to go, Battousai!" Harada cheered from his perch giving Kenshin the thumbs-up. "I'm going to find the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki now, can you wait here and make sure he stays underneath? Thanks!" 

With that, he ran up the path, leaving a stricken rurouni behind. 

"Kenshin?" A familiar voice called. 

The ex-assassin spun around, and who but his beloved Kaoru-dono came trotting down the mountain path. 

"Kenshin!" Kaoru gave a squeal of delight and, dropping her lantern, leapt into Kenshin's somewhat numb arms. "I'm so glad you've come! Your hair is messy--- have you been in a fight?" 

"Sessha has."

"Did you win?"

"Regrettably, yes." Sighed the redhead. "What are you doing here at this time of night, Kaoru-dono? It's dangerous!"

"Really?" Said Kaoru, looking around curiously. "This place sure is crowded tonight--- some old guy just shoved me aside on my way down! Anyway, what have we to fear with Hiko-sensei around?" 

"Ah, sessha thinks you've just answered your own question, that you have." Said Kenshin sorrowfully. "How did you know sessha would come up here?" 

"Mou! I wasn't expecting to see you!" Exclaimed Kaoru. "I knew Tokio would sooner or later unshackle you, so I took the liberty to help you do something you've always wanted to do---"

"Which is---"

Kaoru rummaged in her pocket and fished out a bunch of keys with great fanfare. "I found the key to Harada's study and broke in to steal the pot for Hiko-sensei!" She said triumphantly. 

"But… you didn't give it to him, did you?" Said Kenshin, his voice increasingly shaky. 

"Oh, I left it at his place because he wasn't there." Replied Kaoru brightly. "But I'm sure he'll thank you for it later."

*** To be Continued

Next Chapter: Talk about Excellent Control 3


	11. Talk about Excellent Control 3

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki and some company that doesn't belong to me. 

Dedicated to Beriath: thanks for following my fic all this time! I love you!

To all readers: Yippee! This fic is coming to a merciful end finally… a million apologies for the procrastination… I suck at updating… in fact, everyone must be awarded a medal for being so patient! (See recipients at end)

Ch. 11: Talk about Excellent Control (3)

"Kaoru-dono, you should leave this place as soon as possible, that you should."

"Why?"

There are times when one has to tell his closest and dearest about his past--- This is especially true if it was the kind of past that happened five minutes ago, and would shortly produce calamitous consequences.

"As Kaoru-dono can see for herself, sessha… is a dead man." Said Kenshin gravely, after informing her of recent developments.

It hadn't produced the effect he had expected on Kaoru.

"Mou! Kenshin, there was rather careless of you." She said briskly. "But I'm sure Hiko-sensei will get a good laugh out of it himself. Anyway, we have to get to Hiko-sensei's house now, it's far more important."

"So we can bolt his door and hope he doesn't cut his way through it?"

"Of course not," said Kaoru, a bit impatiently. "We have to get the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki back before Harada claps his eyes upon it. We can't get your master into trouble with the law--- or the other way round, whatever. "

"Oh, right!" Yipped Kenshin. This does sound like a good opportunity for an act of compensation. He started running up the mountain path as if he had been given a new lease at life.

"I hope we'll get there in time…" Kaoru muttered as she followed.

Ironically, while technically capable of outrunning a gating gun, god-speed was never fast enough for some things--- like dodging Kaoru's punches, getting an opponent before he has successfully pronounced the name of his technique, and so on. In this case Kenshin and Kaoru arrived in perfect time to see Harada Reizo standing transfixed before the table like a knight who had discovered the Holy Grail.

"Ah, my love…" The artist said, with a voice that would have been soft and sinuous, if he hadn't been panting hard at the same time. "What… I have gone through for you…"

What Harada had gone through probably wasn't very interesting compared to what was happening now, as a huge figure blotted out the sun from the doorway.

Harada did not turn around. "Ah, I had been expecting you." He said, with a tone that suggested that he had been rehearsing it.

Hiko Seijuro stood scowling at the entrance. At the moment he was not the coolest and most good-looking master of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, but definitely the unhappiest: His hair hung down in dripping coils like dead eels; his clothes looked as if it had dredged quite a lot of the lake bottom; by the sound of water sloshing out of his boots, a fair portion of the lake seemed to have been relocated, as well. And, for the first time in history, the white cape failed to billow in the breeze.

AND, someone had stolen his line.

But Hiko wasn't a man who wasted time feeling sorry for himself, preferring to let other people do it for themselves instead. Currently his sadistic sneer seemed to suggest that a baka deshi would shortly feel very sorry that he hadn't leaped off a cliff to a relatively convenient and painless death when he had the chance. Fortunately, deciding that his student could come after the main course, Hiko turned to the source of all evil, Harada Reizo.

"Harada Reizo," He growled. "You won't believe how much I'm going to SOAK you for assault of an honest citizen. That is, if you don't end up at an asylum first."

"That," Harada whipped around dramatically with the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki. "Is what I was about to say to you." He held up the incriminating evidence triumphantly. "You took it… Mr. Battousai can testify to that, right Mr. Battousai?"

Mr. Battousai, who seemed to be having a sudden bout of paralysis in the corner, simply emitted a faint "Eep!" and said nothing.

Kaoru stepped forward boldly. "I'm afraid you're mistaken, Mr. Harada." She said. "It was I who took it."

"You?" Spat Harada, his voice radiating disbelief that a member of the female species could be capable of anything more heinous than making meals. "Why did you bring it to him? Do you work for him? Speak, woman!"

"Ugh…" Kaoru hadn't thought of this bit yet. "I… I wanted him---" She gestured at Hiko, who was listening impassively. "to, to identify whether its, um, authentic."

"WHAT?" Exploded Harada. "It doesn't need to be identified--- least of all by HIM--- it has, after all, been certified!"

Kaoru sweated. "There are just some places that look…ambiguous…"

"Where?" Demanded Harada, thrusting the Final Masterpiece of Kageaki at Kaoru. "If you can show me…"

"Uh." Kaoru hesitated, and tossed the masterpiece to Hiko, deciding to let him figure out how to save the day. "Um, I'm sure you can find out what's wrong with it…"

"I did not tell you to give it to him, you fool!" Raged Harada, charging at Hiko. "Take your fingers off it!"

Hiko, looking emotionless, gave the pottery a glance. "This is apparently a fake." He said. Harada stopped in his tracks, seething in anger.

"That's heresy… you know nothing about Kageaki, you layman." He breathed.

"I might not know much about Kageaki…" Said Hiko, sounding almost bored. "… but a true masterpiece of Yoshi Kageaki should not have the signature 'Goro Fujita' inscribed on the bottom."

"Oro?!"

"Saitou!" Kaoru gasped.

"What rubbish are you talking about?" Demanded Harada, walking up to have a look. His face then turned deathly pale as he read the characters. "How on earth…" He muttered, his voice shaking like that of one who's starting to seriously doubt his own sanity.

Kenshin, having snapped out of his stupor, also joined in the Art Critique. "This does resemble Saitou's handiwork." He pointed to the hole through the side. "That looks like a gatotsu strike to sessha, that it does."

Kaoru was considerably tickled to find that her artistic instinct had struck home. "Now that I look at it, it's definitely a Saitou." She agreed. "It must be quite well-made though, to fool the eyes of Mr. Harada."

"What's the meaning of all this…"Stammered Harada. His expression was empty now, like one who had just discovered that everything in the world no longer made sense. "And who's Goro Fujita…"

"Your son-in-law." Said Kenshin helpfully.

"My son-in-law?" The artist looked blank. "But why…"

"I think he probably made this substitute to prevent the real one from being stolen, Mr. Harada." Kaoru speculated.

"Well, fancy calling yourself an expert, Harada." Snorted Hiko, having lost interest in the artwork. He thrust it back to Harada. "Now take it and leave my mountain--- I don't want this monstrosity to muck up my abode's perfect harmony."

The artist only swayed a little, gently, seemingly in a trance.

"Goro Fujita…" He reiterated, soullessly.

"What's wrong with him?" Said Kaoru, concerned.

"Probably still in shock," said Kenshin. "but sessha thinks he has finally remembered Saitou's name, that he has."

Hiko cleared his throat. "Mr. Battousai?" He said coldly. "Shall we have a word alone?"

Kenshin gave a squeak like that from a lab mouse who hoped the process would be swift and painless.

"Mr. Kakunoshin?" Said Kaoru, stepping in front of the quivering rurouni protectively. "Kenshin can't go with you."

"Leave." Stated Hiko.

Kaoru suddenly burst into tears. "But… but this mountain trail is so dangerous! I need Kenshin to… to protect me!"

Kenshin saw hope shining down like a ray of light. "Um… right! Sessha has to accompany Kaoru-dono to… um… protect Kaoru-dono's… er… virtue!"

Kaoru sprouted a few more gallons of tears and pointed an accusatory finger at Hiko. "Or YOU'RE going to be responsible if some bad people… take advantage of me! Like, um, bandits!"

Hiko gave an exasperated sigh. _Women…_He thought.

"Yeah, bandits…" Mumbled Kenshin, sliding towards the exit. Kaoru followed, shepherding the artist in front of her. He lurched mindlessly, still mumbling 'Goro Fujita' under his breath.

"I wish I hadn't run into some bandits 21 years ago…"Sighed Hiko aloud, squelching to the cupboard to fetch a towel.

_"Let's go, Kenshin! You carry Harada, I'll get the lamp!"_

"…Not to mention the other party would have been perfectly happy with the arrangement…"

Outside, Kenshin and Kaoru had already taken flight for Tokyo with a speed that could only be called "Reduce Earth".

* * *

It had taken a month for Himura Kenshin to recover from sore heels, countless nightmares and a phobia of pottery, but soon the resilient rurouni was up and about once more to face the challenge of everyday laundry--- it was, after all, very comforting to finally do something that could, for once, go according to plan…

… on another day, perhaps, but on this one he was interrupted again, by an excited yell and the approaching footsteps of Yahiko, who a moment ago was lethargically shifting dead leaves around the dojo in the hope of wearing away the broom.

"Kenshin!" Yipped the adolescent. "I've got wonderful news for you!"

"Oro?"

Yahiko's grin became wider. "Guess what, your master has come to visit you! I think he has come to teach you some Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu skills that you haven't learnt yet!"

Anyone with less enthusiasm than Yahiko would have noticed that his announcement had the same effect on Kenshin as informing him that the world had just plunged into another ice age. Hiko Seijuros didn't walk into the hustle and bustle of civilization every day, and when they did, 50-foot monsters duck down side alleys if they knew what's good for them. "What… what do you mean?" stammered the redhead, whose color had drained so rapidly that it was a wonder his hair hadn't turned white as well.

"What he said was, he's going to have to teach someone a few things about his 'excellent control'!" Babbled Yahiko happily. "I can't wait to see that!"

Behind him, a few leaves floating idly in the air suddenly exploded mysteriously.

"Kami-sama…" Muttered Kenshin gloomily. Such is fate, he reflected. His shishou is not one to forgive and forget.

"Anyway, he told you to prepare yourself." Finished Yahiko (casting a disdainful look at Kenshin's apron). "Kaoru is speaking with him now."

"Kaoru-dono?" Breathed Kenshin, hope springing up like water from a desert. She had saved him once… would she be able to pull it off again?

"Oh, yeah--- Busu was telling him how humanely student are treated in the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu School…" Said Yahiko, making an incredulous face at the general direction of the dojo. "… not that I am a living proof of it, mind."

This, thought Kenshin worriedly, did not sound like an overly persuasive thing to say to an angry shishou raging after his baka deshi's insides. "Sessha had better go and look, that he should." He said cautiously.

* * *

On arriving at the training hall, a quivering Kenshin found to his joy and disbelieve that it was Shishou-free. Kaoru had prevailed once more!

She turned around. "Kenshin!" She said sharply. "What took you so long?"

"What… what did you do to Shishou?" Inquired the rurouni weakly, still trying to absorb the impossible scene.

"Oh, we talked for a bit," Said Kaoru. "Then he said seeing me was as good as seeing you, and left." There was, however, a subtle strained quality to her voice, like tension in an elastic band.

"What did you talk about?"

"Well, we started off talking about the different ways we discipline students…" Said Kaoru, walking briskly to a shelf of bokkens.

"And?"

"Then he told me about some of the past scrapes you've gotten into…" She picked up a bokken dreamily.

"Oh." Said Kenshin. He had an ominous feeling about this. "Did he mention the waterfall-and-sake incident?" For some reason, at that moment he rather hoped that Hiko had mentioned that.

"No." Said Kaoru, her voice suddenly severe. "But he DID mention the time you slipped down the mountain after dark to meet the farmer's daughter…"

"What?!"

"And he mentioned the first kiss you had with her…"

"But…" Kenshin was flabbergasted. Had a boy no privacy?

"… in all its gory detail…" Said Kaoru venomously, blowing a speck of dust from the bokken. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"But that wasn't sessha's first kiss!" Protested the poor rurouni, before he could stop himself. "Oro…!" He whimpered, as realization came upon him like the curse on the Lady of Shalott.

A tremor went through the dojo as it was shaken to its foundations.

"KENSHIN NO BAKA!!!"

"Ororororororor…"Screamed a voice that trailed off into the wind.

Outside, Hiko Seijuro smirked as the sign "Kamiya Dojo" fell to the floor with a clang. Amakakeru Ryuno Hirameki is too good for baka deshis who go around shoving shishous into waterfalls, he reminded himself, as he set off on his return journey to Kyoto.

However, Kaoru certainly needed to learn a few things about his excellent control.

THE END 

Hope you like this ending! Comments/Flames? Please let me know what you think about it... if you prefer a more humane ending (Have to admit I'm a sadist, heh...), send me your version and I will post it! Sorry again for taking forever to update... I have trouble finishing a fic if I can't finish it within a month, call it diminishing marginal paragraphs... once again, thanks so much for investing your support, I owe my inspiration to you!

Medals of gratitude to:

Beriath, Avagrabo, Ayuri, Blade, Crazy Girl Person, Eeevee, Ethelflaed, Firefrosty, ForestKarma, Fyyrrose, Gia, Gravity, Hecate, HEY!, Hitokiri-san, Hitokiri Takushi, Jacko's Kitten, Johanna Gen, Justice Strife, Kandy, Kat, Kegoin, momo girl, MoMo-ChAn1, Murasaki 1/2, Night-Owl123, Nobody, Pensquared, Polka dot, Robin Rainyday, SkyDancerHawk, Saitofan108, Sarah, Seito no Senshi, Shannon, Shihali, Shionri-sama, Steel Jaguar, Tanukichan, Yamamoto Kou, Yokai785 and Zeynel!


End file.
